Author Archives: terraluft

About terraluft

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Writer; wife, mother, survivor, and impulsive bitch rarely capable of saying no. Fueled by coffee, yoga and sarcasm. (She/Her)

An argument for honestly reviewing books – and why every reader should do it

I’ve blogged before about how diverse reader’s tastes are noting that there are so many ways a book can be regarded depending on who reads it. So there must be a way to slog through all the books out there and narrow down which ones you personally will like. Which is why I argue that every reader has an obligation to honestly and objectively review every book they read.

I’m a huge reader. No secret there. What many don’t think about is that the number of books you can read in your lifetime is finite. There are far more books out there than you can read in one lifetime. Yes, even yours. That finite number varies by person depending on how fast and how often you read. For example, I read three books a month on average. That’s thirty six books a year – give or take. If I have twenty more reading years, I only have time for seven hundred and twenty more books. Ever. Which is why you really should choose wisely. For the same reason, I also think you shouldn’t finish a book that doesn’t hook you and keep you entertained either. Unless you’re in a book club since arguably you have an obligation to read those selections regardless.

So how do you pick which books to read so you get the most out of your remaining, and technically very limited, reading time?

Personally, I use recommendations from friends and fellow readers. Another reason I love Goodreads so I can see what people say about books before I decide. (Especially helpful when you have friends who read and enjoy the same books you like so you can see what they enjoyed – or didn’t.) I shy away from books that don’t get at least an average three-star rating (out of a possible five). But here’s a little secret… I usually only read the middle of the road reviews and I especially am interested in the “bad” reviews. Those are the reviews that – if written objectively – give me the best insight. If I see that someone didn’t like a book because of something that I might actually like, I’m more likely to pick it up. If someone didn’t like how dark a book was or how bloody the action was but I really like dark and bloody books, I would probably pick it up.

In the past few months I’ve heard arguments from many different people about not wanting to honestly review every book which all boil down to a couple of general ideas that I take exception with:

“I don’t usually review if it is going to be less than 3 stars.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

I think both of these arguments approach book reviews from the wrong side of the issue. I don’t review books for the author’s benefit, my reviews are designed for other readers like me so we can find books we like (and avoid those we won’t). The hard truth that every author must grapple with accepting is that no matter how much effort and love went into writing a book, not everyone everywhere will love it. Reviews are designed to be the unbiased opinions of readers, and everyone everywhere is entitled to their own. Once a book is in the hands of readers, there’s nothing that an author can change about it anyway.

What if every review was a glowing one and there were no differing opinions? Or what if no one reviewed books ever because they were worried about hurting either the author’s feelings or the feelings of those who had a different opinion? Then every book would be as much of a gamble as randomly picking something off the shelf – without reading the jacket. By not giving an honest and truthful review, regardless of how you liked or didn’t like a book, you’re doing a disservice to every reader who comes after you looking for insights on whether they would like to read it. Of course I don’t think you should completely trash a book (or the author) if you don’t like it, but give me an objective and constructive reason why you didn’t like it that can help me decide if I might also rather skip it. Then let me decide.

Because of this, I rate books in the following manner:

  • 5 stars = Loved it! I abandoned all aspects of my life in order to voraciously read this book
  • 4 stars = I really enjoyed it and I would highly recommend it to others – but I still slept at night, mostly.
  • 3 stars = I liked it but I didn’t love it. I found nothing to complain about but it didn’t rock my world either…
  • 2 stars = I didn’t like it overall although I did finish it. (Incidentally, books with this rating have generally been ones I read for book club which illustrates the point that it takes all kinds of readers and not everyone likes the same things.)
  • 1 star = I either hated it or I didn’t finish it

On top of a star rating, I always give the feel of the book and the impression it left me with overall. I don’t bother with a synopsis of what the story was about from start to finish, you can get that elsewhere. What I really emphasize is what worked for me and what didn’t, and why. Something that would help someone else objectively draw conclusion as to whether they would like it or not. I do this because those are the kinds of reviews I look for when deciding to give a book a spot on my finite list of things I’ve read between now and when I die.

You remember what they say about treating others the way you want to be treated, right? If you are a reader, won’t you consider doing this as well? Future readers will thank you, myself included!


Eleanor, The Unseen

Time for another blog touring author to stop by for a visit. Today I have the privilege of hosting Johnny Worthen, author of Eleanor, The Unseen coming July 1 from Jolly Fish Press.

It was a gamble for Eleanor to rejoin humanity, but she was driven to it. She’d been too successful forgetting. The last vestiges of her family hung by a thread in her transformed brain and drove her to be reckless. Ten years later, Eleanor hides in plain sight. She is an average girl getting average grades in a small Wyoming town: poor but happy, lonely but loved. Her mother, Tabitha, is there for her and that’s all she’s ever needed. But now her mother is sick and David has returned. The only friend she’d ever had—the only other person who knows her secret—is back. And Eleanor again becomes reckless.

Eleanor is a modest girl, unremarkable but extraordinary, young but old, malleable but fixed. She is scared and confused. She is a liar and a thief. Eleanor is not what she appears to be.

Johnny is one of my fellow Utah Fantasy Authors and I twisted his arm to give me a copy of Eleanor before anyone else could read it because… hello, you all know I’m not a patient woman! This book grabbed me quick and fast; despite the fact it is touted as juvenile fiction, which I rarely read. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again for the record: Johnny Worthen writes books I like to read.

Eleanor is the story of a girl who is not what she appears. You think you know her story, or at least the biggest piece of it, from the opening scenes – scenes that are so well written they pulled me in and had me thinking about the hinted mystery immediately. But as it unfolds, you learn that what you think you know might only be the surface of what is really at the heart of Eleanor – a smart, feisty girl trying to hide in plain sight. She knows little about her true nature and what she does know she loathes. This book masterfully captures the feel of growing up in a small town where everyone knows everyone and they all think they know what the real stories are. It is also a great story of the bond between mother and daughter and between trusted friends. It is a unique paranormal coming of age story from the mind of a fantastic storyteller.
If you love a good mystery, are a sucker for the paranormal, like to ask yourself “what if” questions, and in general like reading well-written books, then this one is for you. It is an entertaining story for any age that doesn’t limit itself to adult readers. I would let my daughter read this one, and so should you.

I asked Johnny to visit with a guest post about how he creates such amazing and well-rounded characters since it is something he consistently does well in his work. Enjoy…

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Each story begins with an idea of a theme I explore, a question or a specific conflict. To this I identify the forces I’ll need. These are the agent and the character. They are born out of function. This is the seed.

I nurture this seed and sink some roots. For the character to function as I would like, it is already in motion moving toward the goal I have in mind. I imagine what their past was that put them on this trajectory. This is their background and history and I usually outline it loosely allowing myself space to connect and rearrange but always having the framework to justify the rest.

If I haven’t already named the character by then I’ll name them at this point. I knew ELEANOR’s name before I knew her story. She introduced herself and we worked it out together. 

Naming is a huge issue for me. I’ll let you in on a secret. I often use puns to identify the character’s function and core. This is to remind me of what the character is about and also to leave a clue for the reader, something to write an essay about in English class. I often conceal this by translating it into another language.

Not all of my characters have this, but many of them do. My signature character is Tony Flaner, a slacker detective who you won’t meet until next year in THE FINGER TRAP. The pun there is from the French, “Flaneur” – wanderer.

In ELEANOR, THE UNSEEN, I’d direct you to David Venn. I speak Danish. I was an exchange student there. “Ven” in Danish means “friend.” It’s as simple as that. Similarly, Eleanor’s last name is Anders, a common enough Danish name. Think Anderson, but it’s also related to “ændring” which means “change.” These linguistic clues help me to conceive of the character’s core as they develop.

The next thing in character development is their voices. Even before I think I know what they look like, I need to know what they sound like, both inner and outer dialog. If I can’t hear them, if I can’t put them in a room with each other and have them carry on a conversation, they’re not ready yet. If this happens, I know I need to go back and fill in some more of their back-story, remember who they are and what they want. Flesh them out with the usual prompts; internal and external conflicts, habits and mannerisms, occupation, family, etc. I’ll assign them some details even at random just to get a handle on them.

The final and ultimate test for me is always the conversation. When I’m stuck in a book, I often just put the right characters together and get them talking. It’s magickal, and I don’t use that word lightly. The characters will interact, push their agendas, move the story themselves, react, plot and plan. Maneuver and tell where the story needs to go. When this happens, I just have to take the dictation. I’m out of it. It’s alive. That’s when I know my characters work, when they can do that.

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Thank you for that insight, Johnny! I loved getting a glimpse inside your mind. Thanks for stopping by on your blog tour. 
If you’d like a chance to win a copy of Eleanor (and you know you do!) enter the blog tour giveaway a Rafflecopter giveaway

If you’d rather have the instant gratification, instead of waiting to win, you can get your copy online:

AMAZON
BARNES & NOBLE 



JOHNNY WORTHEN graduated with a B.A. in English and Master’s in American Studies from the University of Utah. After a series of businesses and adventures, including running his own bakery, Worthen found himself drawn to the only thing he ever wanted to do—write. And write he does. When he’s not pounding on his keyboard or attending writers conferences, Worthen spends his time with his wife and two boys in Sandy, Utah.

You can find Johnny online at the following places:
FACEBOOK
TWITTER
WEBSITE
GOODREADS


Inspiration from childhood terror

One of the biggest (and sometimes scariest) questions for writers is when people wonder “where do you get your ideas?” Usually I have no answer. Sometimes even I worry about where the next one will come from. It’s like magic: a spark inspires something that sticks, characters come to life and stories pour out. Or so I thought that was the answer. This week I had an epiphany… childhood terror is where my current idea came from and I didn’t even know it.

I had a sleep over once when I was an early ‘tween. We were doing silly (and scary) things in the middle of the night involving mirrors. It freaked me out enough that I still won’t speak the name of the game (which is an adjective and a woman’s name in case you want to take a guess). You say these two words while standing in front of a mirror three times and then “she” appears. I can attest that something happened that night – something freaky enough that I needed the safety of my daddy and several friends wanted to go home instead of sleeping over. I hadn’t thought of this incident in decades until a month ago when a friend and I were talking about scary movies – I love them and she doesn’t – which then moved to ghost stories and true life events we’ve experienced. I shared this incident from my childhood as an example of real-life, unexplained events. We both shivered and moved on to other topics including comparing my favorite horror and scary movies with the ones her brothers love.

In seemingly unrelated events, I had just finished writing a short story…

Fast forward to yesterday when I was having lunch with the same friend. We were discussing my short story that she is going to be a beta reader for. As I gave her a synopsis, I had a flash of serendipity. The horrible thing that came out of the mirror that night from my childhood has returned from my subconscious in the form of a science fiction short story without me even realizing it.

Being a writer is hard work. But it is SO awesome!! Especially when cool and seemingly unexplained things happen. I’m so enjoying this journey…


The Art of Reading Multiple Books

It’s no secret I love data. And I’m OCD. So I especially love data that I can track for historical trends. Which are just a couple of the reasons I love the site GoodReads. It lets me track what books I’ve read, what I thought about them, which ones I want to read, plus all that info about what my friends are reading, too. (If you are a reader and you aren’t a member, you should be…) This week I noticed something that seems insane even for me: my “currently reading” list contains FIVE – yes, five – books. And yes, I’m actively reading all of them. Which certainly begs the question: How do you read five books at the same time?

I’m a gadget geek so I have an iPad, an iPad mini (that I grudgingly share with the family), and an iPhone. Well, two of them actually since I also have one for work… but I digress. And I’ve got books on all of them. (Don’t judge, I know I’m addicted and that’s the first step. Or so I hear!) Here’s my secrets to reading multiple books at a time:

First, I’m always reading a book on my iPad via my Kindle app. I’ve got at least one of my iPads with me at all times and, if I’ve got a minute of downtime, I’m reading. Sitting in waiting rooms at doctors offices or my monthly lab visit, eating lunch at my desk, wherever I find myself sitting still for more than a minute, I’m reading. I also end my weeknights with a chapter (sometimes more) in bed right before I turn off the light to go to sleep. Plus my favorite; over morning coffee on the weekends.

Next, I’ve always got a book I’m listening to on the Audible app on my iPhone. At minimum I listen when I’m commuting to and from work or any time I’m alone in the car. If it is one I am super involved in, I’ve got my headphones on listening while I’m doing mindless things like vacuuming, dishes or laundry. Sometimes I love the current Audible book so much that I get caught up on all my laundry and find myself wishing I bought clothes that required ironing so I’d have something else mindless I could be doing. I also listen to my audio book whenever I’m walking/running unless I’m with a friend.

I’m usually working on the monthly book club selection in conjunction with my own leisure reading. Which means that the week or two before book club I’ve either got two audibles or two ebooks I’m splitting my time between. 

Lastly, I’ve usually got at least one book I’m reading in print, lying somewhere in the vicinity of my desk at home, that I’m not reading as quickly. Currently, that book is a grammar book. Yes, I’m a geek who reads books on grammar. But, I’m a writer so it’s okay. Don’t judge. This is usually a book that I’ve either picked up in print because that’s the most affordable way to acquire it or someone has lent it to me. Or, it’s the book we are reading in my book club at work. We read a chapter or two at a time and discuss weekly. Because of this slower pace of discussion, it can also be a slower-paced read which works out well.

Typically, these four situations are the norm. My ‘currently reading’ list always fluctuates between three and four books. Guaranteed. Right now, my life is beyond the normal level of hectic since I’m working on a new certification at work. This means I’m also trying to read a textbook cover to cover in a matter of weeks in preparation for testing. Five is not a normal load of reading but that’s how it is right now.

I look back a few years, when I was lamenting about how I could barely manage to read a book a month to keep up with my book club, and chuckle. In true overachiever fashion I figured out what ways I could multitask those things I have to do in life with the things that I want to do. Reading is essential to my happiness so I found the means. What things do you make time for regardless of how crazy your life gets?


Copper Descent

This is my first author interview as part of a cool thing called a blog tour. (Don’t worry, I didn’t know what they were either…) When an author has a new book coming out that they want to publicize, they set up a virtual book tour by visiting bloggers like me who will take the time to read an advanced copy and give an honest review. Since I’m not a patient woman and I love to read, I immediately jumped at the chance to get my hands on books before the general public.

Today I’m joined by the author of  Copper Descent, Angela Hartley, who is also one of my fellow Utah Fantasy Authors.

The tale of Sinauf was a secret nineteen-year-old Nina Douglas’ ancestors kept hidden for eighteen generations. But the truth has been brought into light.

The dark god of legend is real.

Caught in an ancient war still raging strong in the modern world, Nina is confronted with Sinauf—the embodiment of all she fears and desires. Like a moth drawn to a deadly flame, Nina must resist the seductive charm of a beautiful monster, or prepare to lose everything she holds dear. 

 

I read Copper Descent before it had a cover and without knowing anything except that Angela had asked if anyone was willing to read it and review it as part of her blog tour for the launch. I had no idea how it was being marketed but I would have described it as a young adult urban fantasy. (I later found out it is New Adult Horror. Same thing, right?) My favorite aspect was how real the characters are portrayed. The main character, Nina, starts out as a teen but for the majority of the story is a young woman. She kisses boys without commitments, she experiences the heat of passion when she is attracted to someone (more than once), runs away when things get tough, fights with her parents, and is selfish and self-centered at times. She was a realistic breath of fresh air. And then, to my surprise, the evil antagonist chasing after our heroin is actually the devil. As a very non-religious person, I expected to be annoyed with this turn of events but it was so well written I instead found myself sucked in and unable to put it down. I love the way Angela took age-old themes and gave them new life. She expertly weaves Native American legends with all the religions of the ages resulting in a character I both understood and empathized with – even as he plotted to destroy mankind. The book has many elements of fantasy since worlds beyond our own are brought to life. And even though one of the main characters is Lucifer himself, the themes are nothing like you would expect. I highly recommend it – although I must disclose it does have violence and some sexuality for those of you who might have sensitivities. I would give it a PG-13 equivalent rating. 

Initially, I only committed to reviewing the book in exchange for the early sneak peak. But then it was so entertaining and I had a million questions I wanted to ask about it so I sat down and picked Angela’s brains for an interview instead.


Me:  Where did your idea for Copper Descent come from?

Angela:  When I first started writing, a dark figure showed up in all of my work. He became a calling card, really. I never knew when or how he would appear, but there was no doubt he would be there, lurking in the shadows and waiting for his opportunity to wreak havoc. Copper Descent started out as an exploration. I wanted to understand the monster. I also wanted to find a girl who was strong enough to take him on. The rest kind of took on a life of its own. No one was more surprised than me when I discovered he was Lucifer, but it also made perfect sense. So, I ran with it.
Me:  I recognized some universal themes of Christianity, but is there any truth to the Native American legends you reference?
Angela:  Having lived in Wyoming, Idaho, and Utah for the majority of my life, I’ve grown up hearing many stories about the Native American tribes in these areas. There are some pieces based on actual facts, like the Freemont Indians who disappeared from Nine Mile Canyon, and I incorporated parts of the Timpanogos legend, but I think all good lies are seeded with a bit of truth. And that’s really what a storyteller is—an excellent liar. Whatever accuracy is found in the pages were only a set-up to deliver the words in ways I found pleasing.
Me:  What is your secret to so accurately portraying the teenage experience without the angst one would expect?
Angela:  I’m actually raising teenagers right now, but I have unique circumstances. When my oldest daughter was eight-years-old, she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Just like Nina, she was forced to grow up way too early, and has had to face challenges way beyond what her peers experience. Because of her struggles, she’s learned not to sweat the small stuff, or play into the drama. She’s my hero, and inspiration.
Me:  Another example of taking everyday life and letting it fuel your writing. I love it. The ending of Copper Descent was satisfying in its finality and yet left things open for potentially more to come. Are there plans for a sequel?
Angela: Copper Descent is actually the first volume in a seven part series entitled The Sentient Chronicles. The first three plots are designed to stand by themselves, each following a different set of characters, but everything comes together in the fourth book. The entire series follows Lucifer through his fall, his rise, and ultimately his journey back to the angel city.
Me:  How long did it take you to write – start to finish?
Angela:  Writing the novel took less than a year. Now, finding a publisher was a whole different ballgame. I searched for six years before I found the right fit.
Me:  Wow, that makes my own journey so far seem like small potatoes. I’m glad you stuck with it. What is your writing process?
Angela:  I write an ending, and then figure out how it happened. Most of my work is exploratory. I try to outline, but never end up where I thought I would.
Me:  Another “pantser”. I sometimes wish I could write that way but it doesn’t work for me. So, what is your favorite part of being an author?
Angela:  When someone is inspired by my work to think in a way they may have never considered otherwise.
Me:  Least favorite?
Angela:  The rejection. You need to have a pretty thick skin to make it in this industry, and it’s tough putting your heart out there time and again only to have it trampled. I think all writers must be a little crazy or masochistic to allow ourselves the opportunity to be so vulnerable.
Me:  No comment on where I think I fit into those categories, thanks. What keeps you motivated to write?
Angela:  I don’t think I could stop, anymore than I could cease to breathe. For me, creation equates happiness, and I live best inside my head. It’s the real world that tends to trip me up.
Me:  Where and when do you write?
Angela:  I treat my writing like an actual job, and work in some aspect of the craft for at least four to five hours a day, generally when the kids are in school. I have a netbook, and I tend to rotate my scenery often so I don’t get bored with my surroundings.
Me:  What else have you written?
AngelaCopper Descent is my first published work. Eight years ago, my hard-drive burned up on my computer, destroying all of my documents. My back-up file wouldn’t load on my new system. At the time, I was devastated, but now I look at it as a gift. My early work is dead and buried. It will never come back to haunt me *smile*.

Me:  How did you go from aspiring writer to published author?

Angela:  My entire journey took ten years. In the back of my mind, I always thought I’d write someday, but it took losing my father for me to realize that sometimes there are no more tomorrows. I went back to school at thirty, drafted my novel at thirty-three and spent the next six years querying. I didn’t sit idle, but continued to revise and work on other projects as I waited for responses. Mostly, I built my social media platform. At this time, I took a job offer, not because I wanted a career in that field, but gave me an opportunity to be visible. In the public eye, several speaking prospects presented themselves. My novel started reading beautifully, my query was flawless, and I found myself writing a column in the local paper. Some would say the universe aligned, but the truth is I worked my butt off and allowed myself to be uncomfortable.
Me:  What advice do you have for other aspiring writers?
Angela:  Fall in love with the work, not the dream. If you’re writing because you want to be famous or make millions of dollars, this isn’t for you. It is a long, hard road full of disappointment, but if you love the work you can discover aspects of yourself and others that make the journey worth your time. My best advice? Quit. If however, you find that you can’t, you are not an aspiring writer, but in fact a true writer. We are all addicts here, hooked on words and ideas. The more you surrender to the impulse to create, you’ll find those imaginary worlds will become clearer and more concise. Which is why you either need to quit or indulge as often as you can.
Me:  You heard her folks, quit now or jump on the crazy train that is being a writer. *smile* What is the most surprising thing you’ve learned so far on your author journey?
Angela:  That there is no end. There are always new mountains on the horizon. But I’ve also discovered I can do hard things, and I actually look forward to the challenges ahead.
Me:  Are there more books we can look forward to, and if so, when?
Angela:  I’ve recently finished Iron Resolve, the second book in Sentient. No release date yet, but hopefully in early 2015. In this novel we follow Myke Preston—a man with a weak disposition. He walks away from his wife and child only to discover Brooklyn has crumbled quite literally underneath his feet. The only way back to his family is through a maze of doors leading through his hellish past. It is raw, powerful, and for anyone who has dealt with addiction, infidelity, or domestic violence, incredibly inspirational. Utah Fantasy Authors plan to release an anthology later this year, The Secret Door. I’m writing a dark wizard story for that. In my spare time, I’m also working on a stand-alone novel—a cautionary tale of hypnotherapy and mass murder called D-Brie. And yes, Sinclair has a cameo appearance in this novel.
Me:  I can’t wait to read more. Where can readers find and connect with you? 
Angela:  
Thanks, Angela, for the instant gratification of an advanced read and for taking the time to talk with me and my fabulous readers who are now hopefully ready to rush out and get Copper Descent for their own libraries. Trust me, it was a great read and you will want to.

Copper Descent is available now HERE on Amazon and in print late June

Angela Hartley spent much of her childhood being shuffled from house to house with only a book for companionship. The magic she found in the written word saved her in many ways, transporting her into worlds far more enjoyable than the one she resided in. Literature became a passion and the idea of writing carried her through years of uncertainty.

 
After high school, she met and married her own Prince Charming. They rode off into the sunset in his blue Toyota and a whole new world full of hope and happiness opened up. He claimed they could move mountains together, and they did. While facing the painful realization that sometimes there are no tomorrows following her father’s tragic death in 2005, she decided it was time to follow her dreams. With the love and support of her family, she dove into another world, full of procreating angels and demon rock stars.

Her debut new adult horror novel, Copper Descent will be released on Amazon May 2014. Angela currently resides in Midway, Utah with her three children and husband. 


Short stories and instant gratification

I came away from the LTUE writer’s conference in February with one goal: write a short story and use the smaller scale project to figure out my process for revision. It was probably the best stroke of genius that ever hit me and I have to thank that author who volunteered his time to teach the class I attended when I had my epiphany, even though I only remember his first name… Thanks Brad!

I wrote a short story, got feedback from my writer’s group, and successfully revised it to the point that I’m confident to submit it to an anthology. And the best part is it didn’t take me years to do – which is how long I’ve been working on my novel-length projects. I wrote it in about a month, revisions took another. BAM! In the world of a writer, that is instant gratification. And we all know how much I like that since I have no patience…

With this little success under my belt, I’m excited to get back to work on my novel. My next deadline is to have my first round of revisions done and out to my writing group by the end of the summer. I feel like the years up to this point have been spent learning the craft of writing in the disguise of writing. Now I am getting down to the business of actually doing it. It’s been fun the whole time, but now we are entering the realm of thrilling.


Being The Mean Mom

I’ve always been a mean mom. I believe that my kids need to know that there are consequences to their actions and that life isn’t fair. Otherwise, how will they grow to be well-adjusted adults? As a result, I have very well-behaved kids. I’m not always mean, but when the situation calls for it, I have no trouble rising to the occasion. I yell, I spank, I ground, I punish whenever necessary. But this week I’m having to do one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do under the ‘mean mom’ banner.

Big Sister has been dancing since she was three, competitively since she was five. She’s really good and she really, really loves it. Which is why when she failed her first class, I threatened that if she didn’t get her grades under control she wouldn’t be able to dance anymore. Certainly it would hit home at her core and instill just how important her school work was. Right? That was about this time last year at the end of fifth grade when she got her last report card and her first ‘NI’ grade. Because dance team try-outs happen at the end of the school year, it came with a “last-chance” since we were already contractually obligated for this year’s dance team by then. Unfortunately, she must not have thought I was serious… because she has consistently failed to turn in her homework all year and has failed, literally, at least one class each semester – sometimes more than one. Now I’m faced with the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do: not let her try out for a team next year.

I found out yesterday that even though she’s known for months, she hasn’t told any of her friends on the team because she is so sad. And every time I think about not getting to see her do something she has such passion for and is so good at, I want to cry. But I refuse to give in. (Plus Hubby adamantly won’t let me even if I had a moment of weakness. Not that I’ve had that many of them…) She’s heading into Junior High and, if she couldn’t find the balance between school and extra-curricular activities this year while still in elementary school, she has little chance of doing so when she’s thrust into the insanity of seven different classes and seven different teachers with homework every night. Instead of enrolling her in summer dance classes, I’m enrolling her in a summer reading program to teach her study skills – because god knows she hasn’t listened to anything I’ve tried to teach or instill in her the past couple of years.

Being a parent sure sucks sometimes. I watch my friends struggle with kids who don’t know what they love yet or have decided that video games are all they want to do and I know I’m not alone in these kinds of struggles. But it doesn’t make it any easier. Clearly Big Sister would rather dance than do homework but if she can’t graduate high school or college, I’ve failed in my duties as a parent. It frightens me to think I only have six more short years in which to influence her actions and help her figure out how to be an adult and then, whether either of us are ready or not, she will be an adult.

Here’s hoping this is only a year break that proves to her how important it is to keep up on her homework so she can return to the thing that I always knew would keep her out of trouble when she gets to high school. I can’t fathom if that plan backfires on me. I wish this kid had come with an owner’s manual because I could sure use one!


Confessions – and exciting new things

I’ve been writing (with the purpose of someday being published) for eight years. And for that entire time I’ve been a solitary writer with the exception of my amazing writing group. After LTUE, I started to network with other writers I’d met and authors I had connected with from their panels. This was relatively easy to do thanks to social media and my addiction to Facebook. One of my new author friends joined a Facebook group that intrigued me. It wasn’t one with thousands of members who didn’t actually interact but rather just promoted their own things and would junk up my news feed. There are tons of those out there but I have nothing to promote yet and really wanted something that had a personal element to it. This group had rules like you had to live in Utah and either it was relatively new or very select in its membership since there were under fifty members. It sounded like everything I could want so I asked to join.

And then they had to vet me… like they do for the supreme court or something. Apparently the Facebook group is just the online presence for an in-person group. Even cooler! One of the rules were that you had to write with the purpose of being published or already be published. And when I got the email asking for validation of my writing credentials before my membership could be approved, I got just as nervous as I do when I’m applying for a job. And also disappointed figuring there was little chance I would be qualified without actually having any publishing credentials. But to my delight, I did get approved. Apparently my humble blog here and finishing two novels is credit enough which I hadn’t even given myself. Fodder for another post perhaps?

I am now a proud member of Utah Fantasy Authors! 

Which brings us to the confessions part of this post… Because the minute I joined I felt like I was cheating on my writing group. I was very secretive about my involvement until well after I’d attended my first monthly meeting. Partly because I didn’t know what to expect or if it was going to fulfill the needs that I had joined for in the first place (plus what if I didn’t like anyone?), and partly because let’s face it I was kind of cheating on them. However, as I went from new girl to full group member, I realized it is completely different. My writing group only focuses on the craft of writing and critique for each other so we can improve. Utah Fantasy Authors is more about banding together to market our books and giving back to other writers who are just starting out. It is actually no different than belonging to a professional organization in my corporate life – which I do – only for writers. I have since confessed to my writing group and they have forgiven me for my indiscretion – even though they all agree it wasn’t really cheating. My writing group buddy who has a book coming out this summer is a member too now which also helps alleviate my personal conflict.

This group is full of fabulous writers who are also very cool people. We’re planning local author signings, will have a booth at Salt Lake ComicCon in September, and I will be on my first panel as a writer for a presentation at a public library sometime in October. And I will be having guests here on my blog when I get to read and review advanced copies of books that are getting ready to release. Stay tuned – it’s going to be a ton of fun… if I can keep up with all of it, that is!


Finish what you start

I just sent off a short story to my writing group in preparation for our critique meeting next month. And now I’m ready to tackle something else. When I started thinking about my writing as a job, it ramped up my productivity even more than I imagined. Each time I finish a project, I find it easier to jump into the next one. This milestone had me thinking about ‘finishing’ in general both from a reading perspective and a writing perspective. There is something so powerful in finishing. Doesn’t matter what we’re talking about, finishing ‘it’ is sometimes the best part. The finish line of a race, savasana at the end of a yoga practice, a big project completion, birth after pregnancy, summer after a school year is over, ‘The End’ of a good book…

So why is it that so many stories I’ve read recently DO NOT HAVE ENDINGS? It seems like the current trend in genre fiction – or maybe I just picked all the wrong books to read lately? Either way, it couldn’t turn me off more as a reader. So you’re writing a series and you want me on the hook to read all of them? Guess what, you better give me satisfaction with at least some kind of conclusion to the conflict central to that specific book or I’m never going to pick up the next one. No matter how good the writing was or how interesting the characters are. I understand wanting to leave some kind of a hook at the end so I want to keep reading but don’t end on a cliffhanger with absolutely nothing resolved and expect me to pick up another thing you’ve written. Ever.

One of the themes at LTUE and asked in panels over and over again was how to sell a series if you’re not a published writer yet. Without fail, every publisher and agent who was asked this question said (and I’m paraphrasing) that you write the first one, query it as a standalone “with series potential” and then move on to other projects. Those other projects they all said should not be the second or third book in the series. It makes sense. Why spend all that time and effort of novel writing if there’s no market for the first one. (Of course, if you are going the route of independent publishing one could argue differently. However, I would still say it’s safer to write one and see if the demand for another is out there before I spent another year on a series.) Never once in any of these panels with professionals did they say, just write half or almost a novel, sell it and hope your readers will pick up the “series potential” in the second one. No one wants to read a book that doesn’t have the ending. So why then are there no less than five novels (most of them young adult but not all) that come to mind that got professionally published without endings? I won’t name names but pressed to do so I could rattle them off. Why? Because I was SO MAD when I read them that the lack of ending is what stuck with me. For all of them.

When it comes to writing, it is harder than I thought this finish something then move on to a new project. I’m taking my own advice right now as difficult as it is. The story I just wrote started as an idea for a novel-length work but I decided to write it as a short story. Why? So I can submit it to writing contests and other market avenues that may go further in progressing my career toward publication. I can always go back and add the rest of the story in later if there is a market for it. Or I decide I want to because I’ve finished something else and have no new ideas for the next project. It may be that this fabulous world and characters with tons of things I alone know about them right now may never get written by doing it this way. I’m looking at it as working smarter not harder and, for the moment, I’m trusting the professionals and gambling a bit for the payoff.

Tell me, how do you feel about unfinished books when you read them? Are others more indulgent of their favorite authors or am I one of the few readers who find this an unforgivable offense? As an author, I vow I will never publish a story without an ending! (I know, never say never will probably come back to haunt me but I will be surprised if it ever does in this regard…)


This Time Last Year

Occasionally I wax reminiscent and look back through my blog posts. Even less frequently I find coincidences that are worth mentioning in a blog post. Rarely do the planets and stars all align to create a new post such as this one. This time last year (give or take a couple of days) I blogged about how “Fine” no longer applied. Here’s a quote to recap:

 But now I’m back to having more questions than there are answers. Plus more poking and prodding and testing trying to figure out exactly what IS going on with me. Can you say “high deductible met by April”? Say it with me…

Needless to say, I cling desperately to my weekly yoga sessions to reset my psyche. That overworked psyche that is trying her hardest to keep her chin up. The alternative is wallowing in self pity and self-induced panic about what the future holds which I’ve caught myself doing – very unlike me. I don’t feel like myself, I don’t look like myself, and some days I have little desire to be myself in this current unhealthy stage of the game. I’ve grown weary of all this crap and would kill for feeling good with all my energy back. It is a daily struggle to lift myself up and keep myself going. And my family is imploding because the force at the center that keeps it all a smoothly oiled machine is falling apart. But, it is what it is and at least I didn’t die. (That’s my mantra lately.) While it sucks right now and I’m not fine, I have high hopes that I will be soon.

You can read the whole post HERE. It was a dark time when I had more questions than answers and I was just learning that there was more insanity going on with my health. I hadn’t even gotten my diagnosis yet.

Here’s where the planets aligned…

This week, I sat in the exact same exam room as I sat the day I found out that literally I’d almost died. This time it was for my yearly physical with my doctor who has become what I think soldiers who face danger together become to each other. The same room. What are the odds? I could barely contain my joy as I recounted the remission details and what I’d been up to with my nephrologist since I’d seen him last. We laughed and at times sat in wonder as the facts I was sharing of this “nutty year” sank in.

I thought it was just going to be a happy day, had been looking forward to it all week in fact, until the part where he left so I could change into the snazzy gown for the exam part of the visit. I sat there alone waiting for him to return, in the same spot in the same gown as that first fateful day when I waited for an EKG and embarked on the scariest twenty four hours of my life to date. I also thought about all that I was going through a year ago when I thought I had put the pulmonary embolism and craziness behind me to find out everything was still frightening and unknown. Just like the first time I sat there, I was overcome with emotion. I know they were tears of relief and joy – the kind I still have in abundance whenever I think about how quickly I recovered – but they were still tears and they were streaming down my face when he returned with his medical assistant in tow. I blubbered like an idiot about how I didn’t think I’d thanked him enough for saving my life. He got emotional too while he tried to listen to me trying to compose myself enough to take deep breaths for him.

I’m sure the MA thought we were both off our rockers. Can’t blame her, she is new and not one of the regulars who still know me by sight, even after all this time. Then we were joking and laughing like old friends trying not to be awkward while avoiding admitting we’d just cried together during a routine physical. I left knowing I’m on the final stretch of this insanity that started what seems like forever ago, yet was only seventeen months ago.

This time last year I was also attempting to participate in CampNaNo to write my second novel. It didn’t happen with everything else going on then which overshadowed my writing. But I still wrote that novel in November and I’m now editing it in hopes of publication someday – despite what else life threw at me. Because I’m not a quitter. But more importantly because almost dying gave me a greater perspective of what making each day count really means.

I’m still not sure I know how to be this happy. One thing is for certain, I’m glad I’m still here to figure it out. And I’m not wasting a single day because I know tomorrow is not guaranteed.What were you doing a year ago? And what are you doing to make every day count?


Hamstrings: my blessing and now my curse

One of my favorite sayings when it comes to yoga is “you do yoga with the body you brought, not the body you want”. It really sums up the mindset of there is only now and you shouldn’t put off doing yoga (or anything) until some future date when you {insert your personal demon to overcome here}. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say they ‘need to lose weight’ before they start yoga or that they can’t do yoga ‘because they aren’t flexible’. It’s like saying I’ll start living my life when I think I’m good enough to do everything I might ever want to do. I love saying that yoga is a journey not a destination because you start on a journey and end up someplace different. You don’t do yoga because you’re flexible, you do yoga to gain flexibility. Anyway, stepping of my yoga soapbox and getting back on topic…

Another truth about yoga that most people don’t know is that everyone has something they are naturally good at and it’s different for everyone. From flexible shoulders, innate upper body strength, open hips to stretchy hamstrings, we all have something we are good at without having to work for it. My blessing is super flexible hamstrings. I can bend over and lay my palms flat on the mat without having to warm up or bend my knees. My first down dog of every practice is all it takes to get my heels flat on the mat. My tall and lanky yoga instructor still can’t ever get her heels flat in down dog after more than ten years of teaching. It is just how I’m made. Some might argue it is because I’m short and squat. I’m okay with that being the reason since I like the side effect regardless of how or why it happened.

Two weeks ago, I was blissfully enjoying a seated straddle stretch… picture sitting on your butt with your legs straight and both spread wide, bent over at the waist trying to lay your head on the mat between them. And yes, blissful for me since I always feel accomplished when I can go a little further toward the mat thanks to my hamstrings. And all of a sudden I heard and felt a pop in my upper left leg right under my butt. I ignored it as I have a habit of doing and two days later did my epic one hundred and eight sun salutations to celebrate the solstice. I haven’t been the same since.

I took it easy for a week when it was clear I had actually done something to myself. How did I know? I could barely bend at the waist without pain, forget about touching the floor. I even went in for some therapy a week ago with my amazing sister in law. It helped so much that I assumed I was all better. But, this morning I was back to being limited in what I could do.

This is where most people would be disappointed and unhappy that they can’t do whatever they want but I saw things differently this morning. Subconsiously I must have known I wasn’t one hundred percent because when it was time to set our intention for the morning’s practice I decided to focus on just being on the mat and okay with whatever showed up there without judgement. When I had to step out of a pose because it hurt, I just listened and did what my body was telling me rather than pushing through it. When I could have gotten all up in my head about how I could barely bend over in standing straddle stretch when I can usually put my head on the mat, I just did what I could and didn’t push it.

Here’s the bottom line since I’ve been thinking about it all day… I’m injured, yes, and will have to take it easy for a while. But that means I’ve come full circle with my health and fitness and am capable of doing things full out where there is always risk of injury. A year ago yoga was something I did to keep myself sane while dealing with lots of stress associated with a new chronic disease. Now, it is a lifestyle and a way to challenge myself physically as well as emotionally.  I’m choosing to look at this injury as a new challenge and a positive indication of how far I’ve come in my quest back to fit. What a wild journey it has been. And even injured, I still love my hamstrings!


The Wonder of Diversity in Fiction

Everyone is different, we all know that, right? This week I realized there is far more striking diversity in what people read than I’d ever given thought to. I devoured – and I mean devoured – a book a few weeks back by a fellow author I met at LTUE called Beatrysel. Afterwards I raved about it to everyone I know. And then was shocked – SHOCKED – when one of my besties from my writer’s group picked it up and said she just couldn’t get into it and didn’t really love it. It got me thinking…

I knew that there were different tastes – ten years in a book club has shown that over and over again. In the microcosm of my own book club, there are people who adore the young adult genre even when they are far from the intended demographic the books are written for. There are those who love historical period pieces. And the holocaust. And the classics. And there’s a handful of us who love fantasy. An even smaller handful who love horror. And for all of those who love a particular subset of books, the niches they discard are just as varied.

What makes you love what you read and reject what you don’t like? I’ve thought for years that we all read with our own filters. Those experiences we’ve had in life that taint the glasses we look out from also tend to define how we take things in. Most fiction has one thing in common across all genres – it evokes an emotional response in readers. Based on an individual’s emotional make-up, those responses will be different for different books. What a wonderful world we live in that for as many varied kinds of readers, there are that many varied kinds of writers providing the kinds of books everyone everywhere want to read.


Happy Spring – celebrating with tears of joy

Today is the first day of spring and a huge milestone in the fight to win back my health. 

I headed to the doctor this morning for my routine monthly checkup. I had spent almost a week preparing to renegotiate my treatment plan knowing that my lab work from last week showed another marked improvement. It is no secret that I loathe taking prednisone – especially since I can’t maintain my weight even though I am a vegetarian who works out six days a week. Which is exactly why I fought taking it as long as I could. The last two months I’ve had to sit back and watch the number on the scale slowly inch upwards. Yes, slowly. BUT, when faced with the prospect of a small weight gain every month, for an open ended length of time, for a minimum of the next TWO YEARS, that you can do nothing about, it is very discouraging. I was prepared for this “renegotiation” to require a LOT of willpower and I was prepared to bully my doctor if necessary. I wasn’t asking to change my treatment, just how long I had to endure it before I could come off of it. When she said “I agree” with zero resistance or hesitation, it threw me right off balance. Wait. You agree? What’s going on here? 

Then she said the best four words I’ve heard in a very long time: “You are in remission.”

REMISSION.


FULL remission.


I didn’t realize (because clearly she failed to tell me) that I have been in partial remission since December. And now I am in total remission.

Not sure it has fully sunk in, even still.

Yep, still crying tears of joy every time I think about it. Luckily I was able to hold it together until I got to my car…

That isn’t even all the great news! I only have to be on this successful treatment plan for a year total from the time I was in partial remission. She said she’d been thinking about it and the recommendation is to do the treatment for one to two years but since I’m doing so well she didn’t think I really needed the two years like she told me initially. So here I’d been thinking I had two years from the pie-in-the-sky goal of being in total remission whenever that was when in fact I only have to continue until THIS December. That is less than the time it takes to grow an entire human in my womb. I’ve done that twice and both times it felt like the time flew by. Eight and a half more months and I’m done. D.O.N.E. – DONE!

But wait, there’s more! I’m doing so well, complained enough, and proved that my fear of weight gain was a reality so well (I love data!) that she also lowered my dose of the dreaded prednisone. It is like winning the lottery without even remembering you had bought tickets. An end in sight AND a lower dose of the worst drug I’m taking. 

I’m not sure I know how to be this happy. 

As amazing as it is, it has only been eleven months since I first showed signs of this crazy disease. I didn’t even get my diagnosis until ten months ago. And now I have officially kicked it in the ass all the way to the curb. Fuck you, kidney disease, I’m way stronger and I’ve proven you are no match for me.