Category Archives: Writing

Nightmares of My Own – Behind the scenes

What a whirlwind the last six months have been! I’ve said for many years that I am too busy to act as my own publisher and that when the time comes to publish my novel-length work I will seek an agent and go the traditional publishing route where I have professionals every step of the way. Editing, book cover design, formatting, publishing, marketing… it all takes skills I do not have. But when I decided that I wanted to publish a collection of short stories, I realized that all of them had already been through edits and all I really needed to do was collect them in a single place. I have friends who have skills who were willing to help me and who made it all seem so effortless.

Let me tell you: IT WAS NOT EFFORTLESS! This may have been the most reckless thing I’ve done in a long time, in fact. It’s been a while since I’ve shared details of my writing journey here and I thought, they deserve to hear about the journey!

I came up with this idea mid-summer last year (2023) before my day job exploded with an intense project that won’t be done until late 2025 and has me working far more than 40 hours a week. More on that as I walk through the timeline!

First, I collected all my previously published stories and read through them to see what theme I could come up with. Where I realized that one of my earliest stories was not really worthy of being included so I had to rewrite it. Which also meant I had to go all the way through the editing process with my critique group and hire a copyeditor. This took several months from start to finish. It was during this part in the fall of 2023 that I put the whole project on hold until the overwhelm of work at the day job was a little more managed.

Once that side quest was done, it was spring of 2024. I still had to come up with a theme that tied all of my stories together and figure out what order I was going to put them in. This may seem like a trivial step, but it was fraught with peril. Maybe that was partly due to my perfectionism and knowing that no one else could do this step for me (I know, because I tried to get advice from everyone in my closest writing circles) and that I had to live with the decisions forever. This was happening during the same timeframe as the last stages of editing and rewriting of that one story, so that was a partial win at least.

Second, I finally had a file ready to hand off to my wonderful friend with formatting skills for hire and a shiny title to go with it. She quickly turned around a proof and told me it was time to order my cover. Exciting and also much more expensive than I had been ready for. It’s only money, right? And this was an exciting step which I thought meant I would be almost at the finish line. HA! I was wrong. That was back in September.

Third, going through my first proof, I realized that past Terra had not planned ahead and set future Terra up for success in this endeavor, because several of the files I had saved were NOT the versions that had made it into print as I thought they were. What gave this away? The return of a pesky little problem with quotation marks pointing the wrong way that I found and which I then recalled vividly from almost a decade ago. Luckily Big Sister has aspirations of being an audiobook narrator and was willing to record audio version from the print versions so I could compare and update. This took several weeks. And resulted in extensive edits in the formatted file. Which also took a couple of weeks.

Fourth, I got an updated proof to go through with a fine-tooth comb to find any formatting or grammar issues before finalizing things. I employed my trusted critique partners for proofreading so a fresh set of eyes could find the things I’d missed. Assuming at this point there would likely be none to find. It was during this read-through that I realized that while I had benefitted from copyedits and proof reading with every previously published story, there were style inconsistencies over the years and over the different publishers I had worked with. Which meant that my collection was not consistent in its style. To my horror, I had early stories where internal thoughts were italicized, even! (Yes, this is horror inducing, trust me!) Plus, formatting rules for ellipses have a tendency to change regularly! Getting these things all consistent throughout the book took several more weeks.

Finally, I was at the finish line and ready for the final files. Which meant purchasing ISBN numbers (the fancy catalog numbers that tell anyone who will sell your books the identifying features of each format.) Which meant I had to have a business name. Which meant I had to decide if I was going to do an LLC or something else. And do I need or want a business logo to include on my cover? Because despite the horror-inducing graphic design class I took during my undergraduate studies, I still don’t have any of those skills! Another bunch of money later (which I didn’t even realize was going to be an expense), a late-evening design session with my talented friend, and navigating business filing waters I’d never even dipped my toe into, and here we are. The actual finish line!

I have advanced reader copies out to several people who asked along the way and the kindle version went live for pre-orders a couple of days ago. It was only two weeks later than I had originally planned but it still is super exciting! Check it out HERE if you prefer eBooks. Once paperbacks are available (and I’ve figured out THOSE next steps) I hope to have a way for folks who want a signed copy to purchase those and get them shipped out. If you’re a local friend, I’m also working on a book launch where you can get signed copies locally and save us all shipping costs.

At the end of this journey looking back, I’m so glad I didn’t put this off until the perfect time because I know there is no such thing. I just had to take small steps and keep pushing forward to make it happen. New achievement unlocked: a book with only my name on the cover everywhere books are sold!


Coming Soon: Nightmares of My Own

I’m super excited to share that I’m working on a little something. Okay, I’ve been working on it for a while and it is almost ready! I have published enough short stories over the years to put them all in a collection. Or, a more exciting way to say it, I have a book with only my name on the cover. More to come but I wanted to give you a sneak peak at the brand new cover. Pre-orders are coming soon (in time for Black Friday) and we are on track for a release date in early December so you could purchase in time for the holidays.


Now Available: Utah’s Best Poetry & Prose 2024

It feels surreal that two years in a row I was selected for inclusion in this collection but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s true. My story “Trail of Shadows,” which I originally wrote for an open call on the theme of writing dangerously, makes its debut here. It is a story inspired in many ways by recent events and placed in the horror category of last year’s Olive Woolley Burt Awards.

Maybe someday soon I will have enough published short stories I can collect them all up and put them in a collection all my own.

Get your copy HERE or anywhere you buy books – in either print or digital.


Now Available: Utah’s Best Poetry & Prose 2023

This publishing news is extra special for a couple of reasons. It’s the first time I’ve been invited to submit because I was an award-winner, which was the criteria for inclusion in this curated collection. This collection includes my story “Fog of War” which was originally published in 2022 and subsequently won an award last August. It feels surreal to say that I’m in a “Best of” collection, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it pretty quickly. Second, it’s also the first time I’ve been paid semi-pro rates for my work. It’s a pretty fabulous milestone that I want to remember when I look back on the course of my author journey.

The League of Utah Writers is an amazing organization doing great things for the local writing community and I’m excited to be included in this collection with other local authors.

Get your copy HERE or anywhere you buy books – in either print or digital.


Now Available: Within Reach

Another new story out in the world for you to enjoy. This one is a science fiction story called “Intersections” in a themed collection focused on touch. If you love quantum physics and exploring the idea of alternate planes and multiple lives then you’ll love this story.

Here’s what the publisher has to say:

Nothing is more intimate than the soft caress of a hand or the gentle touch of a finger on your forearm. We all long for a warm embrace tying it to memories that we hold fondly.

Whether that touch goes wrong or right we attach those emotions with the action and how it feels on our skin. And every skin carries its story tight within.

Within Reach

Even more exciting, I entered my story in The Olive Woolley Burt Awards writing contest and it just won an Honorable Mention for Prose: General & Literary Fiction.

Available in both eBook and print HERE. As always, I’d love to hear what you think if you want to drop me an email!


Now Available: If Not Now, When?

More publishing news! Is there anything more exciting for an author than announcing that something new is out in the world? I argue, no. This one is especially noteworthy for me for two reasons. First, this is a collection from my primary writing group, The Infinite Monkeys. I wrote the forward of this collection since it also marks the last one I helmed the group as the president for. I will miss being in charge, but am also excited for all the time I will have now to focus on my own writing.

Second, this collection contains my first published poem, “Time to Go.” It is gritty, and dark, and reflects the frame of mind I was in at the end of 2020. Be warned, there are content warnings for this one for a reason if you’re a sensitive reader. Most of the stories and poems in this collection are not dark, so don’t be afraid to pick it up otherwise. That’s the beauty of an anthology (aka story collection) so there’s something that everyone will like.

Available in both eBook and print HERE. I’d love to hear what you think of this, dear reader, if you want to drop me an email!


Now Available: Perchance To Dream

I love announcing publishing news. This is another collection published by one of my writing chapters, The Salt City Genre Writers. It contains the first of several stories I have releasing this year and represents the creative triumphs I eeked out from the overall bleakness of 2020. If you’re like me, you’ll take positives from 2020 wherever you can find them.

My story, “Fog of War,” is a scifi/dystopian tale about the last remnants of the human race who no longer fully believe the mythology of their history. It was a cathartic tale I wrote during the height of the social unrest during 2020. I look forward to the catharsis you will hopefully feel when you read it and see the echoes of our world in this fictional one, if you look hard enough. For long-time fans, you’ll recognize the world and several of the characters from my story “Reflections” in Secrets and Doors. i hope you’ll like revisiting this world and seeing another point of view. This collection, focused on dreams, encompasses many different genres and hopefully has something for everyone. Available in both eBook and print HERE.

I was hopeful enough about where the world is heading (out of the pandemic I hope!) to order physical copies in anticipation of local author signing opportunities for those of you in Utah. Once details are known, I’ll announce them here as well.


Now Available: By Virtue Fall

Cover art of By Virtue Fall book
By Virtue Fall – The Salt City Genre Writers 2020 Chapter Anthology

2020 appears to be the year of publishing announcements without release parties, since here is yet another for me that I’m super excited for but won’t get to celebrate with a book signing or in-person celebration. However, in the midst of all the pandemic divisiveness and fear, I’ll take the bright spots wherever I can get them.

This collection is a collaboration with fellow Utah authors and another story that benefitted greatly from amazing editors. My story “The Last Yoga Class” is a horror tale about the end of the world. I first wrote it as part of my Advanced Creative Writing class back when I was finishing my undergrad degree – which feels like a million years ago given all that has happened in the eight months since I graduated. Available in both eBook and print HERE.

There are all kinds of genres in this collection, not just horror. If you’re looking for a good read that is easier than a novel to pick up and put down amid summer activities, a story collection like this one is a great option. I’d love to hear what you think if you do end up picking up a copy. I’ll be celebrating and pretending we are doing it together.


I Did A Thing – The flash fiction edition

Have you ever done something on a total whim and surprised yourself? One of my writing groups does a flash fiction contest every month and the top four stories are featured in their online magazine. In May, I went to one of the meetings where a perfect storm of things came together.

  • It was the last day before the deadline
  • The theme resonated with me and immediately a story idea popped into my head
  • The President of the group said “It’s only 1000 words, just sit down and write it – what do you have to lose?”

It was like he was speaking directly to me, although he was in fact talking in generalities to the entire group that day. Call it procrastination because I truly needed to be working on a paper for my class, but it felt so good to just let myself write something.

It was the submitting it to the publication that was the whim. Like fiction writing so often is for me, just the act of writing something cleansed a little piece of my soul that has been suffering amid all this pandemic and social unrest of the last few months.

Dandelion gone to seed blowing into the wind with sunlight behind it.
Photo by Nita from Pexels

Imagine my surprise when a few days later I learned that mine was one of the stories they had picked to feature the next month in the online magazine, Salt Flats. Here’s a link if you want to check it out on Medium: https://medium.com/salt-city-genre-writers/escape-5c97baae7bda


Coming Soon!

It’s been a while since I had news to share in the publishing realm. Which makes it that much more exciting to share that I have two short stories poised for publication in the coming weeks. Both are stories that I wrote a while ago and were either super weird or not quite ready for a home without some rewriting. It’s amazing how you can think your story is overworked, and as good as you can ever possibly make it, but still be completely wrong.

I’ll share details when I have them, including when and where you can order a copy – which would thrill me immensely if you did.


Putting 2019 In the Rear View

It’s officially 2020. A new year. A new decade. A new chapter. The past week has been full of those end-of-year, search-the-soul, write-something-witty-and-inspiring (or gritty and real) to share online from seemingly everyone.

Not me. I’m still not someone who does resolutions. Plus the last half of 2019 was one of the hardest six months I’ve ever endured and I’m not sure I really want to do anything but celebrate that I survived with my family and my sanity intact. You know, put the whole last half of 2019 in the rear view and never look back.

That’s what I I told myself anyway. I wasn’t going to be just another end of the year looking to the future blah blah blah among the masses. Turns out I can’t help myself. Although I am going to be real. Vulnerable even. So bear with me…

There was a little re-vitalizing of this site midyear 2019 – you might have noticed (if any of my readers are still with me after the recent neglect of my website) but appearances can be deceiving. The reality is that was part of a class at school – one of the last of my degree program. Which means I wasn’t slaying anything, just scraping by with what I hoped was at least a passing grade that term. It is an apt metaphor for my year…

Here’s the biggest thing I want to take away from 2019, and why I can’t help myself from this post. I am a college graduate – with a Bachelor of Art in Creative Writing and English and a minor in Communications. I never want to look back. Further, I want everyone reading this to stay in school and understand the importance of an education. I’m glad I did it. Even more glad that I did it on my terms and got a degree I wanted rather than the easy one building on my IT experience.

Truth is, I almost immediately am reaping the rewards with a shiny new promotion at work, managing a technical support team, which was the exact reason behind my doing it in the first place. Everything works out for a reason. I just wish I didn’t have to go through such a shitty three years because I had better things to do thirty years ago when I graduated high school. But I digress.

What also happened – the flip side of the shiny degree coin – is that I didn’t write anything of substance for the past year while I was working on reading and analyzing/deconstructing literature others have written. I am publishing two stories in 2020 but both are stories I wrote originally more than two years ago before college consumed me. Worse, it feels like I am starting over since I’m so damn rusty. My daily writing habits? They are as good as gone. Most days I waffle between the urge to give in and veg on the couch in front of whatever show my family is currently binge watching and the self-doubt and imposter syndrome telling me why bother.

The two extremes – successfully finishing my degree but also losing so much ground with my writing efforts – are currently at war within my psyche. 2020, I’m looking at you and am vowing to end said war.

It isn’t all sadness and despair, though. We took an island vacation and for two glorious weeks I read for leisure and slowly regained both connections to my family (it’s hard to maintain deep relationships even with those you live with when you’re as consumed as I’ve been trying to finish as quickly as possible) and myself. Specifically that piece of myself that creates something from nothing when I nurture it.

Suffice it to say that I was successful in comparing less last year as I set out to do and I finished what I started. As for the rest of the shit show that can be chalked up to 2019 (including the torn meniscus I suffered with for most of the year), I say good riddance. 2019 will always live in my memory as the year I hit the bottom while achieving my greatest measurable accomplishment – all at the same time. Here’s to the future – may it be brighter than last year!


Confessions of a Broken Artist

Time to come clean. To weigh in on where the hell I’ve been the last few months. To get really and truly real. So many times I’ve sat down and thought “I need to blog, it’s been forever”, yet everything feels trite or boring when I start to write a post.

On one hand, there are SO many things that have been happening… I started my senior year of college and I’m getting a minor now, too without adding any additional time to finish. Classes are getting more difficult and taxing, and I’m seriously burned out by all of it. Trudging along and barely mustering B-average work. But Cs get degrees so I’m still doing fine. My work as the Conference Committee Chair of the League of Utah Writers almost broke me between July and August preparing for our annual event, but it was an amazing conference and we are already planning for the next one. I’m also preparing for someone to take over because it’s too much time and effort to volunteer in the role forever. We are going through yet another reorganization at the corporate job – this makes two in under a year. Oh, and I was offered a position as an Operations Manager (and partner) in a new company. A role I could do in a handful of hours a week without having to give up my corporate job. Yes, I took it. So far I just had to give up staying in touch with people on social media to find the time.

But none of that really matters when talking about unapologetic confessions.

You see, on the writing front, I’ve had a hell of a year. I killed myself trying to finish drafting my last novel in order to pitch it to agents. Which I did. But it ended in rejection. I know I’m not alone in this outcome. Countless authors pitch novels that never get picked up or which take years and endless revisions until they are successful. But this was the first time I’d put myself out there with a novel. The first one I thought was good enough to sell. I’m not going to lie, it fucking hurt. Maybe even more so than I originally knew because the effects were felt months later when I couldn’t write a short story for my advanced creative writing class.

That’s when I got really worried. My creativity felt all dried up. Like I didn’t even know how to come up with a story anymore. Worse, the characters I always had whispering through my mind were silent. Dead. Maybe gone.

I had all these other things to fill my time and allow me to hide away from the pain of this rejection. Excuses I could make. Reasons I could use to explain away what was happening. That only worked for so long… I couldn’t hide from my self-awareness or my analytical nature.

I took stock. I made assessments. I started troubleshooting. Problem-solving.

In the last week of November, at the end of NaNoWriMo, I’d written a total of 252 words outside of academic assignments for the whole month. No revisions. Not even pretending to write. I’ve fallen so far from my creative writing that I struggle knowing where to begin to get it back. A few weeks ago I would have said I was completely broken.

But that isn’t true either. Not entirely.

What’s true is that I have broken my habit of daily writing, which I had fostered and committed to for several years thanks to the magic of NaNoWriMo. That does not mean I can’t get it back. But it does feel like I’m starting all over again from the beginning.

What’s also true is that I need to figure out what comes next for me. The novel I just finished drafting, while timely and full of potential, is also very political and similar to at least one that has already been published. I know because I read it. That doesn’t mean that I need to dwell on that project and obsess about it. What I can do is start another project or pick up one of the previous three others I’ve put down after initially drafting them. Maybe there’s still a story to be told hiding in the shell of the current project waiting to be found. Whatever the answer, start I must.

While I work through all the layers of how deeply the last few months have affected me, I am clear on one thing: I must be real and unapologetic with myself. It’s okay to be selfish – both with my time and the things I choose to fill it with. It’s okay to take time for my own self-care, otherwise, I can’t care for others. Above all else, I must stop hiding from myself and the fear of failure that has settled into me. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of it.

Here’s to getting my mojo back.


A quick check-in with a bonus: new writing

I wrote a couple of vignettes at a workshop I taught last week. Mostly to prove that I was willing to do what I was making those in attendance do. The prompts were to describe a scene without telling the reader a specific detail about the character or the situation they were in. I wrote these longhand, which took me longer and filled an entire notebook page, and yet look so small here when I type them out.

 

The party poppers still haunted him where he’d retreated to the far corner of the house. Now they sounded like mortars across the city: far away enough not to hurt but still a danger to his brothers. New Year’s Eve and he had no excuse to leave. Instead he smiled and pretended and waited for it to be tomorrow so he could leave these civilians who knew nothing of what life was really about, with their champagne and glitter, ringing in another year.

  • Can you guess who the character is?

 

My fingers shook in rhythm with my racing heart. Is this what they meant when they said your life flashes  before your eyes? The sounds around me were missing, but somehow I wasn’t worried about it. The reflections on the sidewalk alternated red then blue while I sat, watching the people crowded frantically around Noah. All I could see of him was one perfect foot. Where was his shoe? He had been wearing shoes when we left the party. The beautiful, unmarred foot. It already haunted me.

  • Can you guess where the character is and what had just happened in this one?

 

I’m still buried with a swamp of school work and a more-than-normally oppressive day job with little time to work on the current revisions of my novel. Yes, I’m frustrated by those facts, but as one of my writing group members said to me this week, everything has a season. Right now I’m in the “finish your degree” season which is winding down even though it doesn’t feel like it is. Finding time and opportunities like these little snippets to keep writing makes me happy while I wait for the seasons to turn again.