Author Archives: terraluft

About terraluft

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Writer; wife, mother, survivor, and impulsive bitch rarely capable of saying no. Fueled by coffee, yoga and sarcasm. (She/Her)

Ragnar approaches

Ragnar is a week from today.  As I look back on how different I felt this time last year it is hard not to post about it. 

Last year I was a brand new Ragnarian who had no idea what to expect who had trained hard – pushing through injury which I had no idea would impact my life so greatly a year later.  This year I breezed through logistics planning for my team with ease – thanks of course to my handy dandy spreadsheet I could re-use from last year!  I attended the Captain’s meeting last night and smiled sweetly at all the newbies furiously taking notes, because they were now the ones with no idea what lay ahead of them, and chuckled about being in their shoes last year.  Last year I had obsessed about buying the right gear weeks before, this year I haven’t even started to worry about what I need to buy except briefly in passing a couple of times.  Guess I know what I’ll be doing this weekend, huh? 

Two major things are weighing on me.  Training and temperatures.

Last year I was in great shape having just finished my first half marathon a few months prior to starting Ragnar training and averaged twenty five miles a week until race weekend.  This year, I was barely able to run a mile straight when training started because of my injury – caused of course from training so hard the year before for two Ragnars and ignoring the plantar fasciitis I had going on.  Plus, I have a two year old and what seems like a crazier schedule this year with Big Sister’s dance which impacted my training time severely.  I haven’t come close to the distances I was running last year and although I’ve been following the beginner training plan laid out by Ragnar I fear I am not prepared enough for all the running I’ll be doing on race day.  I guess we’ll see next weekend how ready I am! Hopefully I’m just being too hard on the comparison between where I was last year and hating how far back injury pushed me from there.

Last year it was unseasonably cold in Utah and there were still mountain passes covered in snow that the course had to be rerouted around.  This year it’s hot.  As in we’ve broken heat records in the past week.

(I’ve expressed my hatred of running in the heat before, right?)

Yesterday I ran three and a half miles in late afternoon heat (it was seventy degrees out I believe) and ended up with heat stroke.  About four hours post run I had the worst headache and was nauseated for hours.  Today I did some research – which means I asked a fellow outdoor enthusiast who trains in the heat – and found out both symptoms can be caused by heat stroke.  Great… the heat index is predicted to be ninety six for next weekend.  NINETY. SIX.  Two of my runs are anticipated to be in the heat of the afternoon. 

I’m trying hard not to panic.


Root Cause

I can’t keep kidding myself that I’m merely “in a funk” – my give-a-damn is full on broken and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out exactly why.  Until yesterday.

Root cause is a buzz word I’ve heard thrown around the I.T. industry for at least a handful of years – coined by someone who I’m sure copyrighted it and is making tons of money just by my referring to it here in some way.  Basically it means that every problem can be traced back to the very beginning of any chain reaction where you can find the very first thing that happened to set things in motion.  Once you understand the root cause of an issue, you then know how to fix it at the most basic level.  See, fancy name for a pretty simple concept.

I don’t hide that I am a problem-solver with OCD tendencies in every aspect of my life.  Remember, I’m the one who has a spreadsheet to plan Thanksgiving dinner to the Nth degree of minutia.  (Although in my defense my sister’s spreadsheet is even bigger and better than mine…)  So it might surprise you that it took me several months to even put my finger on the fact that I had an issue that needed to be solved.

So what, you ask, is my problem?  I am losing my mind.

There.  I said it.

Here’s a few items of proof illustrating just how bad it is:

  • I say things that come out of my mouth followed by me immediately wondering where the hell the comment came from.
  • I am short (and sometimes borderline mean) to my kids.  I’ve become the mom who yells – and swears – all the time.
  • I have zero patience with Hubby.  Well, everyone, really.
  • I’m a totally raging bitch basically every day.  And I don’t mean bitch in a positive way this time, either.
  • I have zero ambition or drive to push myself in anything – whether it’s writing or running or just getting the dishes done at night.
  • I have constant cravings to eat junk food and find myself standing in front of the pantry without memory of how I got there.  (Luckily I’ve had enough will power to not buy junk so there’s nothing I actually find…)
  • And inside my head where it’s just me, I don’t fundamentally feel like me anymore.

It has all been building slowly over the last couple of months.  The fact that it did sneak up on me slowly probably explains why I didn’t notice it.  This past weekend it came to a head – filled with crazy and ready to burst.  Like the big zit on the neck of the kid sitting in front of you in 9th grade English.  So big you could see it stretching beyond the containment limits so far you were worried it would burst and spurt right at you while you watched and wondered why the kid couldn’t see it himself to take care of the thing.  It was that kind of coming to a head. 

I knew something was super wrong with me when I let an entire weekend slip by – one with an extra day in it for the holiday – and I didn’t go for a single run.  Me, who used to wake up and first thing to pop in my head was planning when I’d get to run that day.  Me, who has a Ragnar to run in less than three weeks.  I let four days slip by without a run and at least two distinct times consciously decided to skip it and “do it tomorrow instead” with no solid plan as to when I’d have time to fit it in.  The thought had even occurred to me that I could be suffering from some sort of depression since it was so unexplainable otherwise. Pretty damn scary especially for this girl who has always had everything under control.  I feel like I can’t cope with day to day life anymore.

I was talking to a handful of women I work with yesterday and the subject of permanent sterilization versus birth control options came up.  Several have or have had IUDs, a couple have taken more permanent sterilization measures either on their own or their husbands.  One just went off all birth control so she could get pregnant again.  And then there were two of us who had just recently switched from an IUD and started back on the good old ‘pill’.  Yours truly fits into this particular category.  (Oopsie, forgot the disclaimer that we were going to be talking uterus and all things related!)  As the other girl currently taking the pill was describing how crazy she has been the last couple of months and why she hates taking the pill because of it,  it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was like she had been living inside my skull because she had just defined everything about how I’d been feeling but until now had been unable to articulate.

And then everything clicked into place.  With a big shiny spotlight pointed directly at the root cause I hadn’t even consciously been looking for.  (Queue hallelujah chorus.)  I looked back through my blog posts and found that everything suddenly changed in late January – when I’d started on the damn pill.  God I miss my IUD and wish it didn’t cost $900 to replace it… but this isn’t a blog post about the ridiculous cost of healthcare or the pitfalls of having high-deductible insurance coverage so we won’t go there.

Just the knowledge that I know why I feel crazy and helpless and lethargic all the time gives me hope and has me excited to take control of my life back.  First thing first: I MUST find a different form of birth control.  Immediately!  Then, once I feel like myself again mentally, maybe I can finally shed the last ten pounds from my injury-induced weight gain that even though I’ve been running again and eating right won’t budge from my hips and – what do you know – can also be explained by that goddamn pill.

I’m hopeful now and looking forward to getting back to normal…


Myth busting

Ever heard someone say it is so much harder and more time consuming to cook dinner every night?  Or that eating healthy costs so much more money?  Or that wearing special shoes or taking a miracle pill will help you tone your body and lose weight?  Well today I’m putting on my myth-buster hat and tackling all of these.

We’ll start with “it’s so much easier to pick up fast food on your way home from work rather than cook dinner” with a peek into a day of my life.  This particular day was crazier than most.  I headed off to work in the morning leaving Baby Sister with her nanny after scooting Big Sister out the door to walk to school.  (Yes, my kid walks to school – shouldn’t every kid?)  I worked a typical day except that I had to leave a couple of hours early since Big Sister’s dance studio decided once again to conduct business as if none of the dance moms actually work outside the home.  Meaning specifically that she had to be in full hair and make-up and across town by 4:30 for the annual team photo shoot.  Awesome, since I don’t usually get off work until 5:30.

I left the office at 3:00, rushed home while project managing Big Sister’s efforts from the phone in the car, and did the fastest make-up and hair I think I’ve ever done including ringlets.  Big Sister has stick straight and super thick hair – I love that she did not get my curls except for when she wants curly hair and it becomes a chore.  Thank god for my Chi and my ability to use it for creating curls in addition to it’s straightening properties.  Of course Murphy was alive and well since the shirt I’d bought her the night before was too big through the chest when she put it on.  I had to get creative with safety pins because I didn’t have time to whip out the sewing machine to take in the sides. We left the house only ten minutes behind schedule leaving Baby Sister with Daddy and hoping they were correct that the shoot would only take an hour. Pictures were fabulous and we were headed back across town by 5:30 now hoping traffic wasn’t too bad.

This was also the night of our first neighborhood walk-about which we never miss.  During warm weather months, two or three different families host little block party gatherings so that everyone can wander around and mingle with each other, catch up on gossip and meet any new people who have moved in.  It started at 6:30.

Here’s where the myth comes in.  Considering I only had an hour to drive across town, feed my kids dinner and head out to the next activity,  society would say I had to pick up either burgers or a $5 Hot n’ Ready pizza on my way home.  But NO!  Instead I went straight home, browned up some ground turkey, made it into taco meat and served my kids taco’s.  Well, Big Sister prefers to eat her taco fixin’s atop corn chips instead of in the crunchy shells and Baby Sister prefers little individual piles of cheese and meat, etc to eat as finger foods so basically, I ate tacos.  The point is, it took me no more time than it would have to sit in the long ass line I passed at the Wendy’s as I drove by.  Not to mention how much healthier my choice of meals was by comparison.  Plus, now I have an extra pound of taco meat in my fridge to eat left-overs in the next couple of days when I’m in an even tighter pinch for dinner – say tonight when Big Sister has to be at the dance studio by 6:30.

I cook ninety-five percent of the time at home.  It isn’t always quick and easy but it is always better than anything else I could feed my family.  The extra effort this activity requires is actually on the front end when you’re doing your grocery shopping.  I usually have the basics on hand like spaghetti (I make my own amazing and authentic sauce) or homemade macaroni and cheese (that actually uses cheese and milk instead of powdery blobs of orange chemical concoctions you get in the box).  Then I mix things up with a few preplanned meals in mind for the week.  We always have tons of fresh fruit in the house and the crisper drawer is always full of veggies.  With a little creativity I can throw together many a meal just by opening the refrigerator – even if I don’t know exactly what’s for dinner before I walk in the door from work.

It makes me wonder who exactly “they” are that says it is so much easier to buy crap from a fast-food joint and eat out of a bag every night.  Probably the people marketing the crap in a bag from all those different places who only care about their bottom line.  And let’s talk about cost!  I can feed my family of four for an entire week buying the ingredients to cook my own meals on less than what it would cost to eat out just one meal a day for that same week.  This is based on fact since we had way more money left over at the end of the month once we started eating in versus when we were subscribing to the marketing ploys.  This was also before I’d pulled my head out of my ass about things like processed foods and high fructose corn syrup evils. 

With obesity rates in adults and children alike continually rising, I wonder how long before the general population demands better choices in their food that contribute to better health instead of sacrificing long-term health for the convenience of a packaged dinner or fast food slop.  Most of the food we eat isn’t even real food when you look at the ingredient label.  When was the last time you had to list the ingredients on a head of lettuce or a bundle of bananas?  Even more frightening is how many people I talk to who never even glance at the ingredient list of the ‘food’ they consume every day.  When you cook your own meal, using real whole foods you know exactly what you are eating and feeding to your kids.

There was a story in the Washington Post this week about how Sketchers are settling a lawsuit for $40 million.  Turns out they were lying when they said wearing their funny looking shoes would tone your lower body without stepping foot into a gym.  You can’t tone your lower body by wearing a pair of shoes and sitting on your ass all day any easier than you can lose weight and keep it off by eating some fad diet or taking some pill that causes side effects worse than just keeping the extra weight on.  You have to eat real food to nourish your body and burn more calories than you take in every single day.  Period.  There’s no other way around it.  Trust me, I’ve tried it all (minus surgical measures where I drew the line).  When is society as a whole going to wake up and realize that corporations are only after one thing – to make money by selling us crap we don’t need – and start listening to common sense again?

I challenge you – if you aren’t doing it already – try cooking for a week and see how easy it really is.  You don’t even have to have a recipe box that your mom or grandma handed down to you anymore.  All you need is Google – recipes for everything and anything are right at your fingers.  It’s an amazing world out there!  And if you want a quick, easy to read, common sense book on how to incorporate real food back into your diet, I highly recommend “In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto” by Michael Pollan.  That little book was partly what changed my life years ago and should be required reading for every American – in my humble opinion.


You’re doing it wrong

I took another step on my journey of figuring out how to write a novel this week.  In an attempt to pull myself up by my bootstraps and self-motivate some action in the writing department since writer’s group looms over my head, I reached out to my editor for some advice. 

I know what you’re thinking: Wait, she has an editor?  But she isn’t even finished with her first draft!  This is my friend who I found out recently is also an editor.  He will be tasked with editing my work once I get it finished.  And since I think it is super cool to refer to the fact that I have an editor, I’ll now be doing so every chance I get.

Remember I said I was currently discovering my own editing method?  I told him what I had been doing and how unmotivated I’d become and asked for some advice on the whole process.  Turns out, I was doing it all wrong.  In my haste to have something for my writer’s group to see, I was doing the editing completely out of order.  I was editing on the micro level instead of the macro level.  I haven’t even worked out the big picture and filled in all the gaps yet.  I haven’t figured out what the outline is to make sure I flow from scene to sequel and back to scene yet.  All this has to happen before we go through chapter by chapter which is what I’d been doing with my alpha-readers.

AH-HA!  No wonder I wasn’t feeling the flow!  It was like recapping a race I hadn’t even trained for yet.

I know my writer’s group is going to be sad that they won’t get to see what I’m up to for a while again, but I’m back to the writing desk.  This time with some direction on how to get from here to the end.  And with my new knowledge I’m excited to be here again which is the whole point.

This also reminded me of something else a lot of people have said…  Writing is damn hard work.


I think I can…

I’ve been in a bit of a funk the past few weeks.  Life interfering with my running has me doubting whether I can even be ready for Ragnar this year.  Being crazy busy with Big Sister’s dance competition season leaves me no time for much of anything past my day job, cooking dinner and trying to stay ahead of Little Sister’s toy bombs before bed.  I’ve had zero energy for staying up late which means I haven’t written in weeks.  Because I haven’t written in weeks I feel like I’ve lost the spark of creativity and the roll I was on a couple of months ago; and the overwhelming thought of what it will take to re-immerse myself has me dragging my feet to start again.

I certainly hope this shit is somehow normal because I rarely find myself in this land called self-doubt. But right now the world is pressing on me with stress and insanity and I have yet to rally myself completely out of it.

Maybe I’m just sad because we are losing Little Sister’s amazing nanny at the end of this week as she embarks on new adventures with her husband – on the other side of the country.  She’s been with us since Little Sister was five months old – two solid years – and has become one of my closest friends and confidants.  Whenever I think of life without her I get all weepy and sad.  I don’t even want to think about the reality of what next week will look like where I don’t see her every morning.  And work from home days without long lunch-time conversations are really going to suck…

But, like the little engine that could from that childhood book I remember having to read to my youngest brother over and over again… I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can.  I keep telling myself that – even if it is something I actually believe one minute and the next something I’m merely willing to be true.

It’s amazing what a positive attitude can do to turn things around.  Even if it isn’t in profound ways.  After taking a week off of running to address some knee pain issues – caused by lack of cross training to strengthen my quads – I went for what my training program called for yesterday: an EIGHTY MINUTE run.  Twice as long as I’ve done since my injury.  I didn’t think I had it in me but guess what, I did!  The first mile was all uphill and I powered through it.  The middle was fraught with headwind that sucked the speed out of me.  But when it was all said and done I busted out FIVE miles and did the entire run.  Boo-ya!  Just because I’m using a different training program from the last two Ragnars doesn’t mean it isn’t effective.  I just have to keep believing I can stick with it and be ready in two months.

Luckily I have my writer’s group looming toward the end of the month spurring me on to get writing – which I haven’t done since the last meeting.  Instead of wallowing in all that I could have been doing which is in the past and cannot be controlled or changed, I am choosing instead to focus on what I can control: now, the present.  As always, I get my creative juices flowing and build momentum by crafting blog posts.  Step one, check! since here I am!

A conversation I had with an old friend a couple of days ago reminded me that even if I don’t make cookies from scratch, even buying the package you add butter and an egg to and making a dozen cookies ‘hot from the oven’ is enough for my kids and won’t overstress me.  All I remember from making cookies from my own childhood is how messy the kitchen was and that I always got stuck doing the dishes afterward.  This way, my kids only get the joy of warm cookies without all the extra fuss and I’ll still be a great Mom in their memories.

Maybe I should write what I know – who’s interested in a story of an overachiever fighting to be super woman and perfect in every aspect of her life?  Because I could totally write that shit with my eyes closed and two hands tied behind my back!  Too bad inner conflict isn’t enough to build a solid plot.  Guess I’ll stick with living that story and finishing the one I’m writing instead!

Here’s to getting and maintaining momentum – may we all be successful at it at least today.


Finding your own method

I’ve been at this novel writing endeavor for many years – more years than I’d like to admit.  The lions part of the journey for me was learning the craft.  Like so many others have said before me, the only way to get better at writing is to write.  Yes, you can go to conventions and conferences and listen to others talk about how they do it – did that.  You can read books on the craft written by others who are successfully doing it – did that.  You can form and join writing groups who encourage and critique – did that.  But bottom line is that what works for others doesn’t always work for you.  My novel is the most complete and mature to date (this is the third time I’ve started again to write the same story among writing other things) because I think I’ve found what works for me.  Of course time will tell if I’ve really got the formula completely dialed in but so far here’s what I’m doing.

  1. Outline.  Oh boy did I spend too long thinking I didn’t need any version of this before I wrote.  I have several projects that ended in the middle of nowhere with characters who I didn’t know anything about doing crazy things I couldn’t get them out of and which had nothing to do with the story I wanted to create.  This time I put together a rough outline to get me from beginning to middle to end with enough vagueness to allow my romantic notions of discovery writing to still exist between the sign posts.
  2. Character studies.  It helped so much that I spent an entire month of preparation writing about what makes my characters tick.  What their motivations are.  What their character flaws are.  What their goals are.  Then when I put them in a scene, I know enough about them to write their reactions and interactions with each other consistent with what I know about them.  This also helps move the story along between the outline sign posts.
  3. Write like mad until the very end of the draft.  I almost got the entire story down during NaNoWriMo in November.  My motto was ‘write now, ask questions later’.  Later comes in the editing process where I fix all the stuff that doesn’t work in the first draft and finish up the ending that’s already been worked out in my head.
  4. Editing with my writing group.  Every two months I get feedback on two or three chapters from my most trusted alpha readers as I start to polish re-write the first draft.  The only think you do more of than writing in this process is re-writing.  I’m learning that lesson currently.  I take comfort in knowing that no one gets it right the first time and that the first draft is supposed to suck.

I’ve learned another thing during the current editing process.  I’m resisting making many huge changes as I get through the first round of editing.  Sure, there are a couple of chapters that I know need to be completely rewritten because the very beginning had my main character acting kind of out of character since she wasn’t as well developed in my mind at that point.  And there are a couple of plot threads that started out pointing in one direction that I morphed to another that need to be fixed in the beginning for consistency.  But other than that, the feedback I’m getting from my alpha readers are going in a “to-do” list that will wait for me to get through my first edit all the way to the end.  That way, my story is the most complete version of my story it can be before major revising prompted from outside editing influences will be entertained.  Why does this work better for me?  I don’t know, it just does.  And that, my friends, is exactly the point.


Revision – embarking on the scary journey

The past couple of weeks I’ve had to suck it up and dive into the part of writing I’ve been dreading since I started writing – and rewriting – each draft I’ve started of this crazy novel that I swear someday will be finished: revision.  I’ve never voiced that I’m scared of the whole undertaking until now but I am.  I even procrastinated an entire month of writing time between critique sessions because I didn’t know where to start or how to go about it.

There.  I said it.

I started this current draft with a fairly basic outline and well-thought out characters which was new for me having been a purely discovery writer on all the earlier drafts.  Even with an outline, I was still doing a fair bit of discovery writing between the sign posts.  I already knew I needed to revise parts of the beginning to match where the ending had morphed to during writing so it should have come as no surprise.  But I still had to slap myself and put on my big-girl panties just to dive in.

What I found after three excruciatingly hard weeks of writing sessions with little to no changes in overall word count is this:  Just like everything else it seems when it comes to writing, you just have to do it and it gets easier the more you do it.  I had to get over my OCD of a perfectly formatted word document and start hacking things up and making side notes in the margins and deleting them when they were checked off.  This meant reading and rereading to make sure there was continuity between the old and the new – constantly tweaking a word here and a sentence there. 

(Does it surprise you that I found a way to have a checklist even in this area of my life?  I guess it shouldn’t, right?)

After three weeks of doing nothing but rewriting, I can report that chapters one through three have gone through the first revision gauntlet and I have polished chapters four and five to submit for critique at tomorrow’s writer’s group.  It is amazing to have blown past this obstacle and know it has no power over me.  No longer will I cower on the sidelines worried that I don’t know how to revise.  I know I can and do it I shall.  Which is good because do it I must if I plan on finishing this thing.

The beauty of having a well established writer’s group is that they keep you honest – and writing.  Without knowing it, that’s exactly what mine did for me this month.  Without these three amazing women, I would not be where I am today.  Period.


Wait, it’s not November!

What the hell is wrong with me?  I go back and read my own posts circa November and I see how determined and motivated I was to write.  And how I vowed to keep it up until I was done with my rough draft.  Fast forward to present and what have I been doing for the last two months since my last writer’s group meeting had me motivated to polish three chapters of my NaNo writing for submission?  Nada.  Zilch.  Nothin’.  Well, not really – the last two days I finally got off my lazy ass and started my late night writing sessions again and have a whole chapter to show for it.

Yes, I might be PMS’ing… why do you ask?

Every once in a while I get down on myself like this and rant and rave to Hubby who calmly reminds me about all the things that I do in addition to writing.  Like a forty-hour a week job, twenty-hours a week of being on-call after hours, our two kids I’m basically raising by myself while he works in the evenings, training for another Ragnar in June, etc, etc.  And that most of the people I’m comparing myself to don’t have jobs other than being Moms.  I get this and I understand that I’m being hard on myself but that doesn’t stop me from going to this place when I feel overwhelmed by trying to drive myself to accomplish everything I want out of life.  Being an overachiever has its costs – don’t let anyone tell you any different.

Thank god for my writer’s group who have agreed collectively to hold ourselves to producing writing this year.  They and are keeping me honest by demanding new material to read and critique every couple of months.  If it weren’t for them, “tomorrow” would always be when I was planning on writing and I wouldn’t have that shiny new chapter of “showing” in place of the three sentences of “telling” that was there before.

This post is also driven by the fact that I got to hang out with some old friends who we haven’t seen in about five years this past weekend.  One of the women, who I’ve always looked up to and admired, shyly tells me that she’s been writing fan fiction and got so obsessed with writing that she’s also written a novel.  IN. THREE. MONTHS.  I wanted to shout ‘Are you fucking kidding me?!’ at her and throw my napkin down in a fit of anger then stomp off to anywhere else to wallow in the fact that it’s taken me years and I don’t have a single completed draft to show for it.  Instead I told her how amazing that was and gushed about how I couldn’t wait to read it because that’s what you do when other people do the things that you want to do and haven’t yet.  There is a silver lining.  I found out that one of our mutual friends is an editor so when I have a completed manuscript I know where to go for the next step and it will be someone I trust. Plus my competitive nature has kicked into full gear which helps drive my late night writing sessions as well now.

If you need me, I’ll be brewing pots of coffee and depriving myself of sleep in pursuit of this crazy dream!


Vindication

Being ballsy paid off!  Within two hours of sending my email to Big Sister’s principal, I got a reply that she wanted to discuss my concerns with the fourth grade team and the district curriculum specialist and then would get back to me.  I figured that would be the end of it… a nice little sweep under the rug and hope I went away.  But, I got a personal phone call from her two days after my email. 

Bottom line, she and the district curriculum specialist both agreed with me.  The worksheet the teacher created to go along with the social studies book they are reading emphasized the wrong things and they will be working with her to re-do it.  The subject was that of immigration in general and the background on the Mormons was a small part designed to show the cause and effect of why they decided to push further west than the current boundaries of the United States. 

Additionally, the principal sent me a photo copy of the chapter the questionable worksheet had been created from.  It was refreshing to see how far-reaching the subject matter was with the following section headings:

     Who Were the Mormons?
     To the Rocky Mountains
     The Mormon Trail
     Planning the Trip
     The First Two Pioneer Children
     The Advance Party
     The Salt Lake Valley at Last
     African Americans Come to Utah
     People by the Thousands
     The Long Trip
     A Daily Routine
     Working on the Trail
     Crossing the Rivers
     Buffalo Chips!
     Don’t Get Hurt!
     Pesky Insects
     Handcarts Across the Trail
    

My favorite part is the last page of the chapter with questions on “What Do You Think?”

  • Do we have the right in America to join any religion we want to, or join none at all?
  • What could help us be more tolerant of people who believe differently than we do?
  • Can you think of other groups in history who have moved to new places so they could live their religion without being persecuted?
  • There are many different kinds of persecution.  Talk about what it means.  Talk about why we should try to treat other people fairly.
  • What would you have disliked about the trip to Utah?  What would you have liked?
  • Can you remember where in the West the pioneers who were not Mormons going?

It was so refreshing to be thanked for bringing such a matter to the attention of the principal.  I had feared I would be labeled a troublemaker.  And now I know that at least the educators at my local school really do have the best interests of my child’s education at heart.  (And that they are in fact teaching diverse subject matter!)

I even got a follow-up email several days later making sure I had received the copy of the chapter and whether I had any additional questions.  I am now the biggest fan of our principal and know that she was sincere in telling me she wants parents to bring these kinds of concerns to her.  If only all educators were this committed.

Go me for standing up for what I knew wasn’t right and knowing I made a difference in my child’s education because of it.  


Ballsy Bitch

It’s been so long since I had something really great to rant and rave about and the Universe must have realized I needed an outlet for it because it delivered up an opportunity so rare this week I almost can’t believe it. Here’s some background so we are all on the same page…  I live in the glorious state of Utah where the lines between Church and State are more often blurred than not.  Contrary to popular belief, not every resident of Utah is a Mormon.

(OOPSIE, did I mention this is a religious and political post?  Here’s your disclaimer and chance to bail as if the fact I warned you I would be proceeding with a rant and/or rave wasn’t enough, right?)

Big Sister is in the fourth grade and I found a gem of a fire-starter in the sty of her backpack.  It was a worksheet with twenty questions where you have to fill in the blanks to complete the sentence.  When I saw it I was so enraged and immediately asked Big Sister what it was.  She said “Mom, before you get mad, Ms X told us to make sure when our parents got mad that they were teaching religion at school to tell you that it is against the law for her to teach us about the beliefs of any religion and that this is just about the history of Utah.”  Clearly the teacher suspected that there would be flak in regards to this little worksheet.  She was not wrong.  Which begs the question, why proceed when you already know it is questionable material?

In response to this worksheet I drafted the following letter which I sent to the principle via email:

Dear Principal,

My fourth-grade daughter brought home school work from what she says was Utah History but which appears to have nothing to do with Utah History.  Instead, it is teaching her about Mormon specific church history.  Where is the separation of church and state when it comes to curriculum?  When I questioned her about what it was, she had already been given a response from the teacher – Ms X who is not her homeroom teacher – who had apparently told the students how to respond when their parents asked why they were learning about religion.  Her rationalization was that because she was not instructing them on the belief system of a religion then it was okay to teach since this was about how Utah was founded.  While there is no disputing the historical fact that Utah was settled by Mormon pioneers escaping religious persecution, tell me why the following questions (taken directly from the worksheet) were relevant to that discussion:

Mormons was a nickname for people who belonged to a new church.
Joseph Smith was the first leader of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
The church was started in New York state in 1830.
Mormons sent missionaries to teach about their church.
Wherever the Mormons went, they were always forced to move, because no one liked them.
They moved from New York to Ohio, to Missouri, then to Illinois.
People did not like the Mormons, because Mormons believed their church was God’s true church. (Not teaching about beliefs?)
Mormons religious beliefs often upset people who were not Mormons.
There was also problems with their neighbors over politics and land.
Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum were shot and killed in Illinois by a mob.

Out of the 20 questions on the worksheet, I believe only the following statements would be considered relevant to UTAH history:

Moving west took much planning.
The pioneers were going to move more than 1,000 miles.
To help the Mormons move, there were only wagons, horses, mules and oxen.

However, I also believe that the not-so questionable statements could be presented even more non-religiously by referring to them as pioneers instead of Mormons.  With respect to the settling of Utah, it is completely irrelevant what religion the pioneers who first came here were.  Besides, there were Catholic missionaries here long before the Mormon pioneers if we are talking about historical facts…

I expect that if my child is learning the history of the Mormon church that she would also be required to learn the same story about where the Catholic church started, who the first Pope was and when the first congregation was established in the Utah valley.  Same with the Protestants, the Baptists, etc.  I know I am not alone in my concern with the way this curriculum is being presented and would appreciate your addressing it immediately.  If you would like a copy of the worksheet I can provide that as well.

Regards,

One of my closest friends who herself is the mother of a fourth grader at the same school told me I was the only person she knows with balls big enough to actually send that to the principal.  Is it my outrage at the social injustice of the matter or is it merely my argumentative and bitchy nature that fueled my sending the letter?  It’s probably a little bit of both.  Having grown up here “in the land of Zion” amidst all the religious overtones and outright judging where your choice of religion is the number one topic of inquiry when you first meet a person, I’m a little sensitive to protecting that pesky right of religious freedom that was given each American in the Constitution.  I believe that extends to the right of my children to be educated by the public school system with zero inference or interference by any religion.  Period.  Before you get all outraged, I stand by the last paragraph of my letter.  If they wanted to introduce a world religion class that gave equal time to studying the basics of every religion of the world, not only would I embrace the prospect of my child learning more about diversity, I would not react to this subject matter since it would then be a valid form of school work.  But they weren’t teaching that, were they?  Nope.  This was supposed to be either a History lesson or at the furthest stretch a Social Studies lesson.  Either way, giving my kid facts about a single religion’s history instead is not acceptable

In my opinion it’s no different than giving your own spin on history just because you like your version better than the plain old facts. But then again, we do that every Thanksgiving where we celebrate the Pioneers and the Indians and their harmonious feasting, don’t we?  Instead of sugar coating what really happened in our past we should own it – we came here, declared the native people savages, took the land from them, slaughtered them when they defended themselves and in the end rounded all the survivors up to be banished to the crappiest land around, never to leave it.  That is what Thanksgiving really celebrates… but that isn’t what we tell our elementary aged children.  And this is just one example.  Lucky for my kids, they have parents who round out their education at home in both religion and history.

Religion is a deeply personal thing and as such should be taught in the home, not the school.  But, I live in Utah where every Junior High and High School has a little annex building just barely off of school property where any kid who wants is allowed to have a free period to walk there and attend Seminary classes – but only of the one religion…  Hubby was even ranting the other day about how another religion – I think the Catholics but don’t quote me on that for sure – were wanting to purchase land for the same reason near the site of a new high school and were being blocked from doing so.  How is that fair?

Bottom line, I wish the separation of church and state was taken far more seriously in our country and especially in my own public school system.  Look at where the Middle East got when they decided to rule their country based on their majority religion.  We need to take religion out of the political arena, too – who cares what religion any one candidate is?  By judging his or her religious beliefs as being better or worse than any other candidate’s it fundamentally erodes their Constitutional right to freely practice whatever religion they choose free from discrimination and persecution.  If I’m not mistaken that’s why the Puritans came to America and *oddly enough* the Utah pioneers came west.  But I digress…

I did get a response from the principal that she would be looking into the situation and would get back to me.  I can’t wait to hear what they have to say about it all!


Ahhhhh, bliss

This week of happiness brought to you by the generosity of my best and only sister.  She bought a treadmill a couple of years ago, used it for a while and decided she hated to run and even if she liked it couldn’t do it on a boring treadmill.  It’s been in her basement doing nothing.  Now it is in mine getting run on daily since its arrival.

It is my new best friend.

Of course like all friends it has it’s flaws.  It doesn’t go downhill like the ones at the gym that I’m only able to frequent one day a week – if I’m lucky.  But let’s be honest that will make me a better runner in the long run.  (ha ha, pun intended!)  I’m still building up my endurance from my injury and I can’t lie – it is frustrating as hell not to be able to just run for hours like I could last year.  But, I can see improvement each time thanks to my heart rate monitor and I know it will come eventually.

This weekend was heaven. I ran while Baby Sister was napping and Hubby had taken Big Sister swimming.  Couldn’t have done that before.  I ran while Hubby had gone to the gym after the kids went to bed.  Couldn’t have done that before.  And I have the option to get up early and run before work now.  To do that before, I’d have had to leave the kids alone in the house, sleeping in their beds, since Hubby is at work at that time of morning.  AWESOME!

I slept better than I have in weeks.  I am less stressed because I can run all my stress away daily.  I’m almost back to myself.  And best of all, I am no longer worried about how I’ll survive Ragnar in sixteen weeks because I wasn’t able to train.  Now, I’ll be a training machine like a good little honey-badger should be.

This one little tweak made all the difference in restoring balance to my life.  No longer do I have to stress at work about how I’ll find time to work out.  If I can, I’ll lift weights.  If I can’t, I just won’t.  And either way my training won’t suffer.  My healthy and committed mojo is back.  Turns out it was life that had stolen it in the first place and I just wrestled it back.  Go, me!  Now maybe I’ll quit feeling sorry for myself and watching TV at night instead of writing and get my first draft finished in the near future…  Imagine writing every night fueled by the endorphins of an amazing run.  I sure can!

By the way, thanks for sticking with me through the whining and bitching times… I can be such a pain when I can’t run!


Reinventing myself because life stole my mojo

I’m not entirely sure who swooped in and stole my mojo but I really wish they would return it.  I keep making plans to work out and get back on track with my training for Ragnar now that I can run again.  And day after day life gets in the way and I find myself drained and ready for bed without having lifted a single weight or run a single step. Each day ending with a vow to make it happen tomorrow.

I stepped back earlier this week and tried to take the reigns again by scheduling in my workouts physically on my calendar.  Two workouts with weights happen at 9:30 PM each week after the kids go to bed; running twice during the week at the end of the workday assuming I can actually leave my office on time and run before Hubby has to go to work; a trip to the gym every Friday night; and a long run every Sunday.  I felt so much more in control after I put my “me” time in place.  And then I promptly missed every single workout since then.  I was too exhausted both nights that I was supposed to lift weights in the basement after the kids went to bed and instead went to bed myself.  My run on the workdays both got cancelled due to issues that cropped up at work that had me there late with no time to run.  Long gone are the days where I could keep up with my workload AND spend an hour in the fitness center every afternoon.  I didn’t run last Sunday because my foot hurt after having run seven miles during the week and I was scared shitless I was going to reinjury myself and wouldn’t be able to train at all.

So yeah, I’m seriously a mess.  Plus I’m giving in to my sweet tooth and eating crap that isn’t good for me because its all a viscious cycle.  If I’m eating great and working out I feel amazing and then I don’t even want anything that isn’t good for me.  But now I am back to feeling crappy because I haven’t figured out a way to squeeze everything into every day again which means I turn to food for comfort more often than I should.  I need to pull my head out of my ass is what I need to do.

I ran this morning – the first in a week and a day later than scheduled – and it felt great.  I can see progress on regaining my stamina and endurance even though I’m nowhere near where I was prior to my injury.  Maybe that’s also because I am running hills in an effort not to die on Ragnar this year?  Yesterday I ate better and I feel like I might be taking the reins back.  I still don’t have all my mojo but maybe if I take it one day at a time it will magically reappear.

I added streaks of red to my hair hoping to fool life into believing I’m someone else and letting up for a bit.  We’ll see how much that works.  Meanwhile, I’ll take every day as it comes and strive for progress rather than perfection where it comes to eating and training.  That and hope my sister really will let me store her treadmill in my basement instead of hers where I could use it whenever I could squeeze in a few minutes of running.


A week of milestones

Last week was crazy and looking back on it I realized it was full of milestones for every facet of my life.  I should have something quirky to say right here to peak your interest and hope you’ll take time out of your life to read about mine but I’m too tired to try that hard right now. Oh, and I turned forty.  FOUR. OH.  Like oh shit you’re old now.  So forgive me?

Is it me or were those who told me that everything changes overnight when you hit forty right?  
We had already celebrated officially since Hubby also hit this milestone last month so we picked a day in the middle and had our good friend cater a fabulous meal for us and our closest friends.  It was amazing – both the company and the evening.  And so when the official day of my birth arrived, it seemed kind of anti climactic.  I got to do exactly what I wanted to do all day which included a whole lot of sitting around without guilt and getting caught up on movies.  Oh, and a trip to the running store WITHOUT KIDS.  It was a decadent hour of my life that I will cherish since it happens rarely. A couple of days later I was at the doctor’s for my annual checkup and since it’s the first of the year I had to fill out yet another new page of demographic and insurance information “for their files” and paused just slightly when it came to that blank next to “Age:”  How brutal to have to write that number before I’d even had time to process it let alone embrace it.

I quickly got over this insane milestone that, when I was young, I heralded as the beginning of old age.  After all, I don’t look forty and I sure as hell don’t act forty.  Plus I’m in better shape physically and mentally than I ever was at thirty.  Besides, I didn’t have time to wallow since Baby Sister turned two under a week later.  

Apparently I suspected subconsciously that “they” were right about the mind being the first to go.  Because I had individually told everyone on the guest list in my head to save the date for the birthday party for Baby Sister in the weeks before my birthday.  Lucky for me since I remembered to send out an actual invite (via email) with details three days before the party and stressed that no one would show up because I didn’t remember having invited everyone already.  Seriously, totally off my game!

Lucky for us, too, we learned the right lessons with Big Sister.  Like the one that says “until your kid is old enough to remember the birthday party you shouldn’t go overboard on it”.  We kept it low key with dinner for our immediate family.  The three or four people Baby Sister sees on a regular basis and who comprise her world came later for ice cream and cake.  It was perfect – well, except for that page I got at the end of the evening since I couldn’t get out of my on-call shift.  The next day on her official birthday she got her ears pierced.  She’s officially a big girl and I’m sad to lose my baby forever.

Another milestone in the last week involved work.  I’m busier than I’ve been in years.  Literally.  The entire week I didn’t leave the office until after 5:30.  I’ve been thrown on a new project – which I love – but not only do I have to come up to speed in the middle they are in the throws of major conversions so there’s not a lot of leeway for me to learn everything before I am required to perform new duties.  Gives new meaning to “sink or swim” that I hear all the time but never experienced before.  Plus, I’ve been assigned as the primary trainer for two new hires which carves out two hours of every day devoted to sitting in a conference room talking theory and principles and not doing any real work of my own.  Oh, and did I mention the slacker on my team who is supposed to take my pager shifts and hasn’t been?  It all has turned into a perfect storm of high-stress and no time to run at work which makes Terra a very bitchy woman.  
And then Friday – on top of everything else – my laptop decided to die.  It may or may not have been a result of someone trying to help fix the issues I was having and making it worse.  Now I could connect to the network in the conference room for training but not anywhere else in the building.  Makes it really hard to work that way.  In all fairness the hunk of outdated hardware had been on its last leg for months but this timing sucked.  I ended up losing a full day and a half of productivity.  Friday ended with me skipping my planned trip to the gym and coming home to yell at the kids, pour a very large adult beverage and plop on the couch for the evening to drink it and decompress.  I needed it so much I didn’t feel more than a twinge of guilt for not running.  I was emotionally and physically drained and it would have been a shitty run anyway.

I am still struggling to get back to running shape for proper Ragnar training which started officially today.  I did three miles but the last two thirds were all walk/run fartleks where I pushed myself harder than I normally would have for a training run.  Hoping it pays off next time I go out and my heart and lungs are in better shape.

Last week also marked a milestone in my writing.  I submitted the first three chapters of my rough draft from NaNoWriMo to my writer’s group for critique.  It’s been years since I had any work I thought worthy of being seen by others.  Two NaNos had come and gone and my beloved writer’s group hadn’t gotten to see the fruits of my labors or their encouragement.  I was so stressed between hitting send on the email and getting feedback at our meeting.  But it turns out they liked what I’d written and wanted more.  Plus they gave me some great feedback on ways to tighten things up.  Considering it was a true rough draft from NaNo land of “write first, ask questions later” I was happy and encouraged.  They make me feel like a real writer.

So here’s to life which marches on and delivers milestones in the weirdest places sometimes.  Do you ever have weeks where everything happens all at once in every area of your life or is it just me?