Author Archives: terraluft

About terraluft

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Writer; wife, mother, survivor, and impulsive bitch rarely capable of saying no. Fueled by coffee, yoga and sarcasm. (She/Her)

Obsessions, confessions and creativity

What a week I just had… or was it ten days? I sort of lost track. It started with this book release that I’ve been waiting for from this one author – you might have heard of him – Brandon Sanderson. Yeah, I just listened to a FORTY EIGHT HOUR audiobook in just under twelve days. With my life, that is crazy talk. And definitely explains why I have been MIA on my blog. Sorry! But, Words of Radiance is one of those books that reminds me why I love to read so much. Luckily it takes a while for him to write a tome of this magnitude so, while I swore I would never start or commit to another series that wasn’t completed after Robert Jordan died – DIED – before finishing my last fantasy obsession, I have a while between books so my life can get back to normal.

Here’s another confession – I might have been obsessing about reading because I was hiding from my novel. Creativity is such a bitch some times and this writing thing is HARD work. Sigh. I’m knee-deep in revisions on my novel from November and realized that I started the story halfway through. No biggie, I just need to go back and write the beginning. Problem is, my main character came to me after she’d gotten herself into a predicament and I hadn’t given much more than cursory thought about HOW she had gotten there. And every idea I came up with was totally cliche or worse, boring. I rationalized all week that I was “refilling the well” by reading instead of writing. That thinking about my story was the same as writing. After all, I was still thinking about my story. When I wasn’t immersed in the world Sanderson built instead of my own that is. Truth is, I barely wrote anything all week.

Sunday I woke up early to a quiet house. Should have gone for a run but instead I brewed a pot of coffee and proceeded to drink the WHOLE thing while sitting on the couch with my headphones plugged into the last hours of my book. Nobody’s perfect, right? When it was over, I had nowhere left to hide from my creative road bump I’d been grappling with all week. I dove into a project I’ve got going with my writer’s group (hiding again) and shouted out to Facebook for inspiration. At the end of the day, kids all tucked into bed and Hubby watching his latest installment of Walking Dead, I finally took my own advice and put my butt in the seat and just started writing. I knew it would probably suck. It was first draft territory after all. And, I was probably writing the equivalent of clearing my throat by faking it till I figured it all out. But it wasn’t going to write itself. Big girl panties… check.

An hour later, I had exhausted all my coffee reserves and had to force myself to stop. Yes, force. Because a few minutes into it, I found one tiny nugget of inspiration and realized I knew all along what had happened. I just had to get over myself and the irrationality about how I didn’t really know (your subconscious isn’t really you, right?) Hurdle cleared. Now on to the next one!

Someone this week reminded me that there is a huge difference between talking about writing and actually writing. My life is always an exercise in balance – on steroids most of the time. And while I’m good at juggling everything I’m not always so great at recognizing when I’m telling myself lies about what is really happening. Here’s to it getting easier to recognize next time and not wasting any more of my writing time unnecessarily.


Surprising Things I Learned

It’s the end of the first week with my new part-time job. What? You didn’t realize I have a new job? Yeah, it’s called being a writer. And it can be described no more eloquently than how I heard it from a very successful author: “butt in the chair, hands on the keyboard”. I know I should remember exactly which famous author from LTUE said it but truthfully I can’t remember if it was Larry Correia, Michaelbrent Collings or Johnny Worthen. (How’s that for name dropping, huh?) In fact, I think all three of them might have said it which is why I can’t remember exactly who it was.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

1. The work gets easier the more consistently I do it. And I’m more consistent when my writing time is scheduled in my calendar and everyone knows that’s what I’m doing in that time slot. It may be that I slid easily into this habit because it’s the same way I navigated writing in November when I did NaNoWriMo, but I also suspect that my logical and organized mind just needed it laid out like another commitment I had to fit into my crazy schedule.

2. Even if I only have a couple of hours on most weekdays and one day of the weekend to devote to writing, I still got FAR more accomplished than I thought I would this week. This was a pretty big surprise for me. In my corporate life, I usually need large chunks of time devoted to enormous projects to make real progress. When I don’t get that, it usually is more counterproductive to get going just to have to stop. Writing has proven far different. I can plug away in smaller time increments and still get lots of things done. This week could be an anomaly but I’m guessing it isn’t. Even my ‘Marathon Sunday’ of writing this week included time to get my house clean and my laundry done while taking advantage of my built in breaks. Since my family got my undivided time on Saturday and I wasn’t some recluse they didn’t see all day on Sunday, my guess is they may just think I’m messing around on Facebook like nothing is different. Won’t they be surprised when I have more than a Facebook feed to show for my efforts? Another bonus: I got more sleep this week than I usually do on top of doing more every day. How does that work, I wonder? I’m not complaining but I suspect not watching television has much to do with it. 

3. Revision isn’t as bad as editing when you look at it as part of the same process of writing. I always thought of the editing process as something separate from writing your first draft. Truth is, once you get the rough draft down, you just keep going and revising (or re-vision-ing as I like to think) until you can’t improve it anymore. Even then you will need another set or two of eyes to see what else there is you missed and then if it’s good enough to sell to a publisher you’ll have to do it all over with their editors. Now that I realize I can’t compartmentalize or avoid revision, it is a much more enjoyable process.

I’m currently working on several things. Which I also never trusted could be done when authors talked about writing one book and editing another. I’m brewing a new story in the back of my subconscious while I work on revisions of the novel I wrote last November. I finished reading through the first draft after I let it sit for a couple of months so I was reading with fresh eyes and a memory that had faded a bit. I found lots of plot points that needed to be fleshed out or tweaked for consistency and now I’m seeing the entire whole for places that can be improved. I find so much excitement working with a finished draft because the bare bones of the story are all there and now I’m just adding organs and connecting tissue to bring it more fully to life.

I love going back and seeing how things shift for me years down the road so I’m going to keep documenting what I think of as “My novel project” for my own hindsight as I explore what works for me and what doesn’t. Why have a blog if not for your own personal benefit, right? I’ll also keep regaling my faithful readers (all ten of you?) with the craziness of the rest of my life. Hopefully you’ll remain entertained and keep coming back. If I learned anything from attending LTUE it is that I’ve grown as a writer the last four years even if it was in miniscule steps I didn’t realize until I look back and compare then to now. If you need me, I’ll be reading, drinking excessive amounts of coffee, running around with my hair on fire to keep up with where me or my kids need to be, and writing into the wee hours of the night. My goal is to have my revisions done of my current novel by the end of the summer.


Being a Writer – a new perspective

I just attended Life, the Universe & Everything (LTUE) – a science fiction and fantasy symposium geared mostly toward writers. It was my second writers conference and the first I’ve attended in its entirety. I went with my amazing writing group so it was also one of the funnest girls weekend trips I’ve ever taken. I came away energized and excited about writing in a way I never have been. I attribute this to two reasons.

First, because I got to be the nerdy geek girl I really am at heart. And I mean got to be her FULL OUT. For an entire three days. From sunrise to sunset. I’ve read science fiction since I picked up “Battlefield Earth” by L. Ron Hubbard when I was in sixth grade and it changed me forever. I found fantasy and horror not long after that and never went back. I loved being able to gush about being literally feet away from my favorite fantasy author (Brandon Sanderson of course). Got to hold in my hand a copy of his latest book that no one anywhere can purchase yet like the holy grail it is. And no one thought I was weird for doing any of it. I was surrounded by my people. And it was heaven. I even ventured into fan-girl insanity by dressing up as a character from one of my favorite novels at the banquet. Which paid off when Brandon Sanderson himself stopped in the middle of his toastmaster address to say “I’m sorry, are you wearing mist cloaks?” and proceeded to complement and make inside jokes about not ‘dropping coins’ or ‘licking the dinnerware’ while my writer’s group stood for all to see how cool we were. (Sorry if you aren’t a nerd and don’t get the references. If you want to, read Mist Born!)

Second reason is the perspective I took away from the panels I attended. I realized I’ve been envisioning this whole ‘being a writer’ thing in an entirely wrong fashion. Being a writer always looked like: me at a desk in my house, by myself, working hard, and then someday selling books and “making it big”. What a bunch of vague and empty terms with no specifics! What I learned is that being a writer – at least the kind where you get paid to do it and make your living solely by writing – can be summed up on a very basic level. IT IS A JOB. Which means you have to build your skill set, start at the bottom, get a ton of experience to put on your resume so you can get the best job. [LIGHT BULB] Just like trying to get a corporate job. Which I already know how to do!

After I appeased my OCD by transcribing (and color coding and organizing for action items) all my handwritten notes from the weekend, I sat down with Hubby and made sure he was on board with me taking on a part time job. Because that’s what I’m going to do from here on out. I already proved as recently as this past November that I can have a life and still write fifty thousand words in a month. So, I’ll continue to do that every single month from here on out. I’ll further tune and hone my skills then build my resume until I land a position with an agent willing to sell my work to publishers. Because those are the nitty-gritty specifics of what it really takes to be the kind of writer I want to be. Finally a project plan for my writing!

Wouldn’t it be super cool if one day I was on one of those panels at LTUE? Look out world, the ultimate overachiever has taken things to a new level. If you need me, I’ll be somewhere with my hair on fire I’m quite certain!


Small Steps

One of the things I’ve learned on my fitness journey is: you can’t change everything all at once and hope to be successful. You can try, but usually all the changes are so overwhelming that you’re left with frustration and disappointment when you can’t meet all your goals. And when that happens you just give up. Instead, deciding to change one thing or committing to add one thing at a time to your routine until it is a habit yields far better and lasting results.  Struggle with making poor food choices? Take it a meal at a time. Want to exercise more? Add one thing at a time with small goals that increase over time. Never worked out before? Just start moving more and then try a lot of different things until you find what you like to do.

Personally, I love looking back at where I’ve been and where I am now and seeing a huge difference. My own journey was more of an evolution than a radical change in my daily activities. Remember three years ago when I decided I liked running and then I had run a half marathon and three Ragnar relays within the span of two years? It all started with getting off the couch and walking until I could run and then systematically increasing how much running I did until I was capable of whatever I wanted. The same has been true of yoga. A year ago I “liked” yoga but didn’t practice more than once or twice a year. Sure I loved it when I did it but it wasn’t a weekly or even monthly habit. Now I practice four times a week – sometimes more – and am capable of so many things that I thought I would never be able to do like back bends, splits, arm balances and (almost) a headstand.

As much as I have loved my journey, until now I have not had the best of both worlds. I started my weekly yoga practice only a few months before I had to completely give up running because of my health issues. Yoga kept me sane and grounded (and active) while I couldn’t run and in the process I realized I loved yoga more than I ever had loved running. Or so I thought. Now my health is pretty much back to normal and I have been talking about adding running back in purely for the cardiovascular benefits. After a year of not running, I’ve completely gotten out of the habit; not to mention lost all my cardio capacity I had developed. Plus I have two kids with dance schedules now so juggling WHEN to run has gotten harder. I let that hard part stop me for a few weeks and finally decided that I just needed to do it. After all, the longer I waited the harder it was going to be to get back to where I was before I had to quit.

Yesterday, I went for a 3-mile walk/run (which was way more walking than anything) like I used to do every Sunday. I took my trusty running companion with me – my beloved elkhound – and picked a familiar route I used to run regularly. It starts with a challenging uphill and finishes with a rewarding downhill. It was amazing to be outside in the sunshine in my favorite running temperature (between 36-40 degrees). But what I didn’t expect was the emotional response when I rounded the bend to start the downhill. The vista of the Salt Lake valley and the Rocky Mountains rising in the distance hit me – almost physically. I have trained with that view of my mountains for every long-distance race I’ve ever run. I was home again whether I was running or walking. Most surprisingly, I hadn’t realized just how much I missed it until I was back. Not going to lie, I cried most of the way down the hill – almost a mile – but they were truly tears of joy.

Whether I can fit more than a Sunday run into my fitness routine right now doesn’t matter. Sundays are again run days. And once that has become a habit, I’ll tackle finding another established time for an additional run. Will it be the gym, at work, during the evenings or early mornings? I don’t know yet. I just know that small steps will eventually get me to my goal like every other time before. Maybe someday soon my personal label of “Writer, Runner, Overachiever” will be completely true once again.


The Perspective and Importance of A Moment

Today I gained the perspective of a forty-two year old. Because I now AM a forty-two year old. It is funny to look back on my late thirties when I started to refuse to acknowledge birthdays and dread that the age number kept getting bigger and what it all meant that I was ‘getting old’. Everything shifted when faced with my own mortality but nothing quite so much as this little thing. When the alternative to getting older is being dead, you start to wonder which is really the worst thing that could happen.

An old friend I haven’t seen in years – but thanks to the wonders of Facebook get to talk to and interact with – said today that my face hadn’t changed since we worked together twenty years ago. It was the nicest thing and proves that aging doesn’t have to be a horrible process. Could it be that happiness and joy are the magical facial cream everyone has been looking for to achieve younger looking skin? Could embracing your life and appreciating everything and everyone in it with open arms and without judgement lead to a younger and glowing countenance? Or was he just flattering me?

I’ve been internalizing a lot these last couple of weeks of yoga training, thinking a lot about being present in every moment and every situation. Things like noticing when Baby Sister gets whiny and I get frustrated and realize I have my focus so fractured between multiple things that I ‘think’ need my attention. The reality is that she is the one thing that needs my attention (usually) the very most in that moment. Thirty seconds of eye contact and direct engaged conversation are usually enough for her to restore harmony in herself and run off to sing and play with her babies leaving me to finish all the other unimportant but pressing things I’ve got going on. What if that’s what everyone needs once in a while? What if life were really that easy? What if it is more about being fully present with someone rather than posing for a selfie over and over until you get it just right?

Have you noticed that there are no longer any bad candid pictures out there? Thanks to the wonders of technology you can immediately see what that “snapshot” is going to look like and decide to accept or re-do until you get it just right. And once you capture it just right, there’s always editing software to remove blemishes and brighten the colors and whatever else you think wasn’t perfect about the authentic moment the lens captured. What kind of a legacy are we leaving for our children when they look back and only get to see what we deemed were the ‘best’ photos of us instead of the ‘real’ photos of us? Are we all taking life way too seriously or taking ourselves out of the real moments to capture the perfect portrayal of the same moment for the benefit of everyone else? What if all that matters is being happy and not all the stuff we surround ourselves with?

These are the things I’m thinking about on the second birthday that I might not have ever had. Ultimately I hope I can be the kind of person that ages gracefully and who people look at and wonder “why is she so happy?” regardless of how many wrinkles are on my face or how high the number next to my age gets. I’ll tell you, forty two never felt so wonderful!


Big Joy in a Small Package

It’s no secret I’m obsessed with yoga. And as is my standard operating procedure when it comes to addictions, I have jumped full in. Teaching yoga once a week at work was not enough – just like running wasn’t enough and I had to run a half marathon six months after I started running. I’ve added a second class every week now. For Christmas, Hubby asked me what I wanted. Sheepishly I told him that I really only wanted one thing – to selfishly spend more than my fair share of our extra money to get certified as a yoga instructor. Because he is an amazing man, he agreed.

So, January first I embarked on the next big adventure and started an online course. I had insane expectations that just because it was an affordable and self-paced option that it would be easy. I was wrong. I thought it would take me a few days – weeks at most – to read through the course material and then easily pass a test. Guess what, it is hard core with Sanskrit names instead of the “common” English names I am used to using for all the poses. On top of that, because you can use this certification to get hired to teach yoga in a gym environment, it also comes with lots of things like how to calculate fitness stuff – some of which I had never even heard of more than in passing and certainly never used. Arterio-venous oxygen difference? Calculating heart rate ranges? I’m studying muscles and bones and parts of the body I never considered important to my yoga practice that are hugely important as an instructor when you’re responsible for other people’s yoga practice. The part of me that wanted to skip ahead through the fitness stuff and the muscle stuff to “the good yoga stuff” was getting frustrated… until yesterday.

First some background…

Most of the people who attend my classes at work regularly are new to yoga and have only taken my class. But there are a couple of exceptions. One of which is a cute lady who does Bikram yoga. Bikram yoga is an entirely crazy (to me anyway) form of yoga. They do the exact same sequence of twenty six poses in a room heated to one hundred nine degrees and it lasts an hour and a half. It is like hot yoga at my gym on steroids. My Bikram Girl (as I thought of her in my head until I cemented her name in my brain) was doing her form of yoga multiple times a week for years. Of course I felt intimidated because she knew what she was doing and would definitely know how unprofessional and not like a “real” yoga instructor I was merely by comparison. After a few weeks I got over that and we are friends now who chat about yoga all the time. She is a prime example of my favorite yoga saying that “everyone does yoga with the body they brought, not the body they want”. Everyone has their own things they are good at. Some people (like me) have super stretchy hamstrings and have no problem touching their toes. Others have super stretchy backs and shoulders, others hips, others have great cores and others have great upper body. The point being that there is never a pose that someone doesn’t either love or hate when we do it based on what things come easy to everyone. My Bikram Girl is tiny and lean but struggles with her hips that are not flexible and thus can’t touch her toes.

Fast forward to yesterday in class. I had thrown together kind of an intense class full of hamstring opening and stretching and lots of leg work. We were cooling down and stretching and suddenly she exclaims from the back of the room “I can touch my toes!” You could feel the excitement in her voice and I looked up to see her looking wildly from one neighbor to the next showing them that she could touch her toes and saying it had been years since she could do that. The joy radiated from her like a ray of sunshine. It was so awesome that I almost started crying and had to drop my head back down to my knee to compose myself.

I did that – not her Bikram yoga, me. You could argue that it might have been a combination but really, if she was going to make a breakthrough like that with Bikram alone it would have happened a year ago when she was practicing three to five times a week. The difference now is that she only occasionally gets to Bikram and is *also* taking my class doing poses they don’t do in Bikram. See, me!

Is it any wonder that as I left work yesterday I found myself thinking that the vision of my perfect life was not a nine to five job but rather teaching yoga and writing full time? Someday maybe that will be my reality. But first I have to drag myself through my yoga certification. If you need me, I’ll be studying, because that one little moment of joy, which I might have missed if I hadn’t been paying attention, was worth all the anatomy, fitness jargon and Sanskrit I never thought I was going to have to learn.


2013 In a Nutshell

I’m reading a book called “The Happiness Advantage” with my work book club. I’m not a huge fan of the self-help genre (and for some reason these are the kinds of books that always get picked by the group) so it is taking me months (and hopefully not countless library fines) to finish this one even though it is a fabulous book. What I’m learning is that success, performance at work, and general happiness are all a product of your positive outlook on life and not the other way around. As I am wont to do with every book I read, I’ve been internalizing all the different points the author makes and realize that somehow intuitively I’ve been applying some of these principles in my life already. Mostly because 2013 was by far the most roller-coaster of a year to date in my life.

Here’s a recap of the year:

  • I’m so glad to be alive since I didn’t die from the pulmonary embolism
  • Happy birthday, I’m done taking Coumadin! Let’s celebrate with leafy green vegetables!
  • I finished my first novel – finally!
  • Just kidding, back on Coumadin
  • Wait, why did I just gain thirty pounds in a couple of weeks? 
  • Good news, mammograms don’t hurt and I have medical proof I have a great rack
  • Wow, biopsy of the kidney really hurts but not as much as finding out I have a chronic kidney disease that I will never get rid of.
  • I’m officially more of a yogi than a runner but that’s okay
  • Treatment of kidney disease commences and I am feeling better
  • Started teaching yoga at work since no one else would get the ball rolling
  • Treatment isn’t working, how ’bout chemotherapy? We settled for vegetarianism and immunosuppression after I argued with my doctor for a plan that didn’t come with cancer side effects later.
  • Immunosuppression sucks ass! Time for a pity party from hell
  • Just kidding, I’m over the pity party and ready to BE healthy instead of wallow
  • When the dose is finally right, immunosuppression is actually great since I feel fabulous now!
  • Focus turns back to fitness and surprise – yoga is keeping me from being any worse off than I was before this whole mess.
  • Everyday yoga practice commences – I’m addicted
  • I finished my second novel – in a month!
  • Christmas in California’s warm weather – although the Californians think it is winter we know they are crazy.

The book is full of examples of positive psychology and proof that you are more productive and successful if you first start with a positive outlook rather than saying that once you get {fill in the blank} I’ll be happy. The one that struck me the hardest was talking about how there is a small subset of people who are more successful and happier because they can more successfully pick themselves up off the mat after failures or setbacks. They are the people who define themselves not by what has happened to them but instead by what they can make out of what has happened.

There is no doubt about it that I am a changed person because of the last year. I have always lived life with a touch of spontaneity but now I’m even more apt to jump first and ask questions later. I also cherish my relationships with people – not just those closest to me but everyone I know – differently and more deeply. I know more than most how tenuous life is and how today just might be your last. If you know me in real life and I tell you that I love you, rest assured that I mean it. But that isn’t where I stopped. Back in October when I was deep in my pity party, I could easily have stayed there dwelling on how bad my life was and how I had been forced to turn vegetarian and how I will never be cured and blah blah blah. But instead, I switched my focus to all the things that could have been worse. I’ve never been hospitalized with all this insanity of health issues, I only had a couple of weeks that I couldn’t do yoga to the fullest, and I am able to do whatever I want now in terms of fitness – although running is again something I have to build up to since it has been so long since I did it. I learned last month that the six months I thought I had of immunosuppression treatment is actually a two year gig but I’m rolling with it. It isn’t chemo after all. Sure, I’ll have to be far more diligent with my facial waxing since one of the side effects apparently is increased hair growth but there are worse things, right?

If I’m recapping 2013 in a nutshell, I’d say it gave me a far greater perspective on how I want to live my life. I am still grieving in many ways about the loss of my perfect vitality but I’m also taking steps to get past that loss. I didn’t lose a husband, and I didn’t get a terminal illness (chronic doesn’t directly translate to terminal after all) but I did suffer a loss in the form of seeing the end of my life as I had previously defined it. Instead of wallowing in the grief, I’m redefining my life and living that new life fully. I’m not one to make resolutions with the New Year but I’m far more prone to reflecting this year. As I look ahead to 2014 and all the craziness I’m certain is in store for me and my little family, above all I am happy and hopeful. May your 2014 be the same whoever you are and wherever your circumstances find you. Thanks for reading!


    Book List Archive 2013

    Time for out with the old and in with the new posts recapping the major accomplishments of the past year (and cleaning off the side bar to make room for tracking this year’s list). I thought 2013 was going to see far more books under my belt since last year was truly an overachiever one when it came to reading. However, I’ve had far more energy to be off my couch in recent months and you can’t listen to audible while doing yoga like you can while running.

    • The Winter of Our Disconnect, Susan Maushart (book club) – this book changed my children’s lives and is well worth reading
    • A Memory of Light, Wheel of Time #14, Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson – so much better than I ever hoped for and well worth the 15 years it took to wait for the end of this series.
    • Drift: The Unmooring of American Military Power, Rachel Maddow – disturbing and eye-opening
    • Firefly Lane, Kristin Hannah
    • Still Alice, Lisa Genova (book club) – frightening look at Alzheimer’s
    • The Reservoir, John Miliken Thompson
    • Mistborn: The Final Empire, Brandon Sanderson 
    • Behind the Beautiful Forevers, Katherine Boo
    • Dark Places, Gillian Flynn
    • 14, Peter Clines – best scifi read this year
    • And I Don’t Want to Live this Life, Deborah Spungen (book club)
    • The Dog Stars, Peter Heller
    • Mistorn #2: The Well of Ascension, Brandon Sanderson
    • Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn (book club) – this time I read it instead of listened and loved it even more
    • The Kitchen House, Kathleen Grissom (book club)
    • Mistborn #3: The Hero of Ages, Brandon Sanderson – the ending of this series cemented Sanderson’s place as my new favorite fantasy author
    • Old Man’s War, John Scalzi
    • A Monster Calls, Patrick Ness – this was a haunting read that stuck with me a long while
    • Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol S. Dweck (work book club)
    • Horns, Joe Hill – one of my very favorite reads this year
    • The Rent Collector, Camron Wright (book club)
    • Joyland, Stephen King
    • Hounded, Kevin Hearne
    • The Dog Stars, Peter Heller (my pick for book club so I re-read it in print instead of listening). This is a far different book in print than in audible and I liked the audible far better.
    • Hexed, Kevin Hearne
    • The Light Between Oceans, M.L. Stedman (book club)
    • Rainbows End, Vernor Vinge – not my favorite scifi and proof that if you put something down twice it probably doesn’t deserve getting finished
    • The Ocean at the End of the Lane, Neil Gaiman – also one of my favorite reads this year – such a great one!
    • Mistborn #4: The Alloy of Law, Brandon Sanderson
    • Happy Money, Elizabeth Dunn (work book club)
    • Slim for Life, Jillian Michaels
    • Immortal Instruments: City of Bones, Cassandra Clare – I hope the movies are better than the books
    • The Graveyard Book, Neil Gaiman (book club) – I’m now officially a huge Gaiman fan, too
    • Mothers & Other Liars, Amy Bourret (book club)
    • No Plot? No Problem!, Chris Baty – oh how I wish I’d read this years ago to make NaNoWriMo easier!
    • Steelheart, Brandon Sanderson – read aloud with hubby on our road trip
    • The Name of the Wind: The King Killer Chronicles Day One, Patrick Rothfuss – also read aloud for hubby on our road trip after I filled him in on the first half; and yet another epic fantasy series I want to grab the next one immediately.

    That’s thirty seven books this year. A far cry from the goal I set of fifty but still impressive since the theme this year was apparently fantasy. I read some major tomes that in terms of sheer number of pages alone could count as several books. I set the goal of forty books in 2014. Whether I hit that goal or not, you can be certain I’ll be reading every chance I get!


    NaNoWriMo 2013 Recap

    Is it me or is this getting easier?

    I’ve done National Novel Writing Month six times now – not including the failed Camp NaNo attempt this past summer that never really got off the ground. This was my third year winning and the first time I not only finished the 50K word count but also finished the rough draft of the novel I had started. It was also the easiest attempt in my memory. I have a theory about why…

    Is it because I had already completed a rough draft of my first novel and know how to get to “The End”?

    Is it because I have used all these years to build a habit for daily writing – at least during November?

    Is it because I planned ahead this time with character studies and a plot outline before November hit?

    I think it has a lot to do with all three of these key elements.

    This November was not the perfect month to pick to impose this crazy deadline on myself and life threw even more wrenches into the works. I was too tired on Halloween to stay up past midnight and write a couple thousand words to start off with a buffer like I always have before. Little Sister (who is now three) came down with a nasty flu at the end of week two and I had to hold her while she suffered with high fevers for a solid week. The only time I could write was while she was drugged and sleeping. Then one night of planned house guests a couple of days before Thanksgiving turned into three days and I could only write after everyone had gone to bed – much later than a normal night.

    With all of that plus the craziness that always comes with my life anyway, I still managed to write every day except three over the course of the entire month. And I hit the daily word count goal an average of four days every week. I caught up little by little on the nights I wrote well and spent the weekends holed up with my laptop while my family tried to manage itself without me at the helm. Big Sister did her own laundry to help out a couple of times, and my amazingly supportive Hubby did dishes and grocery shopping all month and even cooked huge meals on the weekends when there was more time so we could eat reheated leftovers during the week. As a result, I only stayed up past midnight once the entire month – very unlike any of my previous winning attempts. And, I was DONE EARLY and enjoyed a celebratory date night on November 30th which was super strange. Usually I’m frantically clawing for word count to validate my novel with minutes to spare in the wee hours before the 30th comes to a close.

    So how did I really do it?

    1. I spent all of October fleshing out characters and plot points so all I really had to do in November was write the story I’d already thought through. Of course I got halfway through and realized the plot was far too elaborate and my characters had gone and gotten us pretty far off course so I had to rethink the ending but that wasn’t as hard as I imagined.
    2. I invested in software especially designed for writers that made managing my plot a breeze. (If you haven’t checked out Scrivener, do yourself a favor and do. It is super affordable and once you start using it you are hooked.) This allowed me the flexibility to write those scenes I’d planned to happen in the order I was inspired to write them rather than how I planned to lay them out. Keeping the creativity juices flowing made the actual writing so much more effortless.
    3. My family and all my friends were on board and supportive of my efforts. This is huge and I can’t stress enough how important it is. Writing is like having a job and if you want people to take you seriously you have to treat it as such. My family knew that I had scheduled the time after the kids went to bed at 9:00 until midnight every night to devote to writing and then large chunks of each weekend as well. Friends supported me from afar and didn’t extend invitations they knew would tempt me from my writing.
    4. I didn’t deprive myself entirely of those things in life that keep me grounded and happy. All three of the days that I didn’t write were nights that I used wisely. One night I spent with Hubby; one was an impromptu night of laughter, tears and wine with a friend that went further in recharging my batteries than I might have imagined before I spontaneously threw caution to the wind on a whim; and I didn’t write on Thanksgiving. I still did yoga three to four days a week. And I still went to my monthly book club. I could do these things because they helped me stay focused on maintaining the daily word count when I was writing so I could slow and steady win the race.
    5. I wrote every day (with the noted exceptions above) whether I was inspired to do so when I sat down or not. This made it so I didn’t ever get so far behind that I had to do massive feats of will (or caffeine) to write enough to catch up. Remember the last time I won when I wrote something like 18K in the last five days? That was insane and I swore I would never do it again. Instead, I never got more than about 3K behind the 1667 words a day pace and was able to keep the goal easily within sight. It seems like the simplest and silliest writing advice anyone ever gives when they say “Just write” but that has boiled down to the key for me.

    This year was noteworthy because all four of us in my amazing writer’s group finally did NaNoWriMo together. Most of us have attempted it at some point or another over the past six years but this was the first year that all four of us planned ahead and were poised to participate at the same time. It was amazing to have each other for support and everyone agreed – win or lose – that we learned something AND wrote more than we would have if we didn’t participate. Everything is better with friends to lighten the load and ease the pain, to share the excitement and the milestones, and to lament the frustrations that come with any worthwhile endeavor.

    I’m taking the month of December off to celebrate the holidays and reconnect with my family. And come January I will again embark into uncharted territory when I begin the process of editing my rough draft from the messy, grammatically incorrect, tense-switching, inconsistent and full of plot holes state it currently is into something worthy of submitting to agents and publishers. It is sure to be a wild ride!


    I did it… again!

    There is a pattern emerging… I do NaNoWriMo every year but I only win every other year. This time I finished six hours before the deadline (a first). I ended up on a date with Hubby that night feeling guilty that I was out in the world enjoying myself when it was still November (gasp!). I’m taking the weekend off from writing… a rest I fully deserve. Then I’ll recap for your reading pleasure, as always!


    A Day in the NaNo Life

    It struck me this week how life throws so many curve balls especially in November. I appreciate the challenge that this seemingly insane deadline offers in and of itself and how it is designed to take my “someday I’ll be a writer” dream one step closer to reality with solid work habits when it comes to writing. Because that’s really what doing NaNoWriMo is about for me. But what if your life is completely insane already and then you try to add something like writing an entire novel in a single month onto your plate? You get a day like what I had yesterday which I will now recap for your reading pleasure…

    12:30 am – hit the sack for some shut eye after falling asleep over my keyboard and throwing in the towel for the night.

    12:30 – 5:30 am – slept like a baby. (Don’t hate me that I fall asleep the second before my head hits the pillow every time.)

    5:30 – 5:45 am – claw myself awake, chat with hubby while snoozing my alarm clock

    5:45 – 6:00 am – scramble out of bed in a panic, throw on clothes, brush teeth and head for yoga

    6:00 – 7:15 am – yoga

    7:15 – 9:30 am – get kids up and moving, shower, herd cats kids toward morning routine completion, get both off to school/dropped off at daycare

    9:30 am – 2:15 pm – work the day job from my home office. Grabbed lunch on the go between phone calls and ate at my desk.

    2:15 – 3:10 pm – parent/teacher conference with Big Sister with a side of book fair to suck more time I don’t have from my day. But she wants to read so how can I not?

    3:10 – 3:30 pm – more cat herding to get Big Sister ready for dance and dropped off while Hubby picks up Little Sister from daycare

    3:30 – 5:30 pm – work the day job

    5:30 – 8:00 pm – family dinner to celebrate my Mom’s birthday. Tried to enjoy family togetherness without stressing about how far behind in my word count I already am and how I can’t afford to be there having fun.

    8:00 – 9:00 pm – bedtime cat herding routine and kids tucked into bed

    9:00 – 9:30 pm – coffee brewing and Facebook and chasing Little Sister back to bed

    9:30 pm – 12:00 am – dedicated writing time which I also filled with unnecessary Facebook browsing because the writing isn’t flowing and hey, look, someone commented on my post! (Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right?) An hour in I cut off my connection to the internet and tried not to obsessively need to update my word count online after every paragraph…

    12:00 – 12:30 am – compose blog because it is all fresh on my mind, I don’t want to try and capture this later plus the two cups of coffee I consumed during my writing block just kicked in and I’m not tired now. In fact, I’m kind of giddy and I need to do something or I’ll post ridiculous (and giddy) Facebook status posts that no one else will think are as funny as I do because I am beyond looney at this point of the night and wired on caffeine and sugar. WHEE!

    12:30 – 12:45 am – hit the sack, because even though I probably could stay awake and catch up the fifteen hundred words I’m behind, if I don’t get some sleep there’s no way I can function tomorrow at work.

    There you have it – a day in the life of my November this year. Part of me wonders if I really have it more crazy than other people or if I just like to think of myself as different than most. I also found myself thinking about how if this “someday I’ll be a writer” dream were to come true, there will certainly be a time where I could be a published author but not making enough money to quit my day job. In which case, this is what my life every single day would look like – only hopefully less addicted to Facebook. In moments of weakness, part of me wonders if I really have it in me for more than a month… but I keep writing anyway!


    Celebrating non scale victories

    I’ve talked before about how the number on the scale is just that – a number. And my favorite proof of how my fitness level and body are improving is in how my pants fit. I follow a fitness blogger on Facebook who calls these things ‘non scale victories’ and talks about how important they are to celebrate.

    I feel like my head was removed from my ass a fog has lifted now that my attitude about my health is back to a normal and healthy one. I’ve returned from the brink where I wallowed in crap I can’t change and am focused again on being fit and healthy; measuring my successes rather than just surviving every day. My routine for years has been to track scale weight as well as measurements so I can go back and compare progress and where I was at each different point in my weight loss and fitness journey. Probably no surprise that I haven’t done measurements in well over a year. I struggled with massive water retention and swelling in the beginning of all my kidney issues and didn’t really want to see the stark numbers of how all my efforts had been negated. I could feel it in the pants and knew how bad it was.

    A couple of weeks ago I decided to suck it up and do measurements. If nothing else they could serve as a brand new starting point where I couldn’t go anywhere except up from. Interestingly enough, I’m actually the same size I was right before I ran my last Ragnar over a year and a half ago. Really?! Another reason I love yoga! Without even realizing it I’ve lost all that extra nasty swelling and water weight and kept it off even without running for a year.

    Already feeling pretty good about myself, a few days ago I was enjoying the crispness of a fall afternoon and needed a hoodie. I hadn’t done laundry and there weren’t many options available in the closet. Then I noticed this adorable, maroon, lightweight hoodie hanging there, beckoning me. I’d forgotten all about this beauty. I bought it to commemorate my last Ragnar – me and the rest of the thousands since they were out of my size. At the time I was determined not to need the bigger size ever again so I bought the smaller size and told myself it would be great motivation. Because I had so recently been surprised, I pulled it out on a whim and put it on.

    Holy shit, it fits!!!

    I danced around in my closet jumping in joy and excitement for a good minute – then looked in the mirror to survey just how well it fit. That little bitchy voice in the back of my head was saying ‘just because you can zip it up doesn’t mean it is worthy of leaving this closet’. But it looked great and I wore that thing for two days loving every minute of knowing it was a victory just to feel confident enough to leave the closet.

    I’ve decided these non scale victories are even sweeter than the number on the scale getting smaller. After all, no one but me gets to know or see that number but everyone can see how cute I look in my hoodie! Here’s to more victories in the near future. And if you aren’t looking for ways to celebrate progress, start noticing. It is far easier to stay motivated to do the hard work of being healthy when you are seeing positive results no matter how small.


    T-Minus Ten Days

    It is almost November. That busy month where most people are gearing up for mainstream things like Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping and crazy writers like me are attempting what initially seems like the impossible: to participate and hopefully win National Novel Writing Month on top of all the things everyone else is doing. If you’re new to the blog you may not understand the massive undertaking I challenge myself with every year for the past six. Writing fifty thousand words in the thirty days of November. Last year there were over three hundred thousand others globally who joined this challenge with me and I’ve heard this year is going to be even bigger.

    I’ve been plotting and character developing since mid-September in preparation for writing the first draft of my next novel starting at midnight on Halloween. Have I got everything figured out yet? Nope. Am I worried? Nope. Am I secretly rejoicing that my health has improved so much that I feel almost one hundred percent like my old self so I can realistically imagine pulling late nights night after night and consuming massive amounts of coffee to keep me awake the next day so I have a chance in hell of winning this year? You bet your ass!

    Have you thought of writing a novel but never did anything about actually doing it? NaNoWriMo is the coolest and best writing event to develop personal habits that easily translate to the rest of the year. No matter what the rest of the year looks like for me, I always know I’ll be a writer who writes every day during November. And usually that habit persists well into the rest of the year. I haven’t “won” every year but I write more every November than I would without this silly contest/challenge and that is all that really counts.

    For more information and to join the party for free check out www.nanowrimo.org and register to join me! There is a real-life side to the online contest too if you want to meet other local writers at the kick-off parties or participate in write-ins in your area. My favorite part of registering is getting access to the word count statistics where I can obsessively and continuously update my word count and see the very real and uber-cool progress I’m making every day.