And new to the OCD tendencies… here’s a recap of all the races I ran in 2010. My first year of official racing where my goals were simply to finish. Here’s to years and years of more racing where I can eventually be a competitor rather than a finisher!
Dash for Donation – 5K
August 14, 2010
CHHS Community and Alumni – 5K
September 18, 2010
SoJo Marathon 5K
September 25, 2010
Wasatch Woman Love Your Body – 10K
October 9, 2010
Halloween Half Marathon
October 30, 2010
Day six of HCG included a trip to the gym for a cardiovascular metabolic test and a mild trip into the realm of insanity. I strapped a freaky looking mask on my face connected to a computer to measure the amount of air I took in and analyze the gases I exhaled and ran on the treadmill for a few minutes. Coupled with my heart rate monitor it tested exactly how MY body burns fat as well as my recovery heart rate and lung’s oxygen capacity. I was excited and – let’s be honest – a little amazed at the results. My body burns fat longer than the average person, I have a phenomenal recovery heart rate and an awesome lung capacity. The tester said “I can tell you’re a runner and you’ve been working hard” which totally vindicated me and made me almost tear up. There it was, scientific and personal proof that I am in the best shape of my entire life.
So what the fuck am I doing HCG for?
I had already been struggling with the thoughts of putting my gym time on hold for three weeks while I took shots and ate like I was a starving Ethiopian. And now I find out exactly how to work out more efficiently for MY BODY to burn more fat yet can’t do it? I had a serious melt-down.
You see, based on the few runs I had done with my new handy dandy heart-rate monitor I know exactly what heart-rate range I typically run in. And it turns out it isn’t in the fat burning zone. Which on the one had was an exciting discovery because it explained why I was averaging 20 miles a week and yet not really losing any weight. On the other hand, it means I have to change the way I run if I want to see the results in my body that I started running for. Either way, though, there’s that damn HCG which means no running at all for me for weeks.
Hubby came home that night and I came clean with him that I was thinking about stopping the shots early. This was my third round of HCG and I was only losing about a pound a day in the first week which was less than half what I was used to doing with the other two rounds. I remembered the frustration of the diet without weight loss from the 40-day round in 2010 and I didn’t want to relive that pain. Hubby talked me off the ledge reminding me how long it would take at the gym to lose even 5 pounds a week and I went to bed feeling like an alcoholic must feel – I’d gotten through the day and I could go on if I just took it one day at a time.
Until the very next night when Hubby came home on the weak side of the roller coaster and instead of me taking the opposing role and telling him “we could do it” and “look at how much it is going to be worth it”, I said “you’re right let’s quit!” We discussed and schemed and went back and forth trying to figure out the best thing to do and in the end we both caved. Hubby had already lost the15 pounds he wanted to (yes, I hated him just a little for that number in a week but he’s a man so whatever!) and I knew I didn’t have it in me to give up running for that long. We didn’t want to waste the money we’d spent on the HCG so we found a new home for what was left – a fellow HCG’er I knew who was in a frame of mind to start the shots right away before they lost their potency – and we handed what was left over to her. And promptly started dreaming of all the things we could eat three days later when we entered the maintenance phase and got back everything except starch and sugar. Those were the hardest three days ever but just because we stopped early doesn’t mean we aren’t going to follow the protocol.
I never thought it would feel so good to be a quitter!
I ran four and a half miles today in my new-found fat-burning zone, not caring that it was like 4-minutes per mile slower than I’m used to running, did yoga yesterday and am never looking back. Seriously, I am at the gym six days a week between our new gym and the fitness center at work which is a habit I am not anticipating breaking anytime in the near future. Hubby and I both chalked up our one week trip into insanity as proof that we have certainly changed our lifestyle and are choosing the slow and steady wins the race approach to losing the last little bit of fat we want to rid ourselves of – and boy did we relish those eggs this morning!
So while I still sing the praises of HCG and recommend it to anyone interested in it, I no longer personally need it as a jump start to a healthy lifestyle – it served it’s purpose and I’m happy to never look back. In the course of two and a half years I have completely changed my life and I couldn’t have done it without HCG.
Bet you never thought you’d hear this from me again…. I just started another round of HCG. This time with Hubby in tow. I kicked it off with a goodbye run of eight miles on the treadmills at our amazing gym – did I mention they go DOWNHILL?!? – since I can’t run for three weeks (remind me to tell you about that later!). I’ve been working out with weight training added to my running program but the holidays are always a struggle with my sweet tooth. Once I give in and sample the delectable baked goods from my sister’s kitchen, it’s all over and I can’t get enough – like a ravenous monkey desperately foraging for mites on every surface I can find. You get the picture.
I want to say that putting on a few pounds over the holidays was my motivating factor for embarking again on this journey but I’ve been planning on it for several months now. I solely blame my need for instant gratification. Seeing the pounds and inches melt off of me in the three-weeks of hell doing this protocol makes it SO worth it. And having to wait the months it would take to see the same results at the gym would just suck. So, I’m squeezing in a three-week bout in hell between New Years and Jan 28th when the official start of Ragnar training begins for the insanity I have scheduled in June.
Except that might not have been the case and now it is totally a bittersweet journey!
You see, the first thing you do is take measurements for “before” and “after” kinds of comparisons. I really like measurements as a guideline of how well you’re doing on weight loss or maintenance because the scale is unreliable once you start building muscle and so I do measurements about once a quarter. (Does this make me obsessive? It sure sounds like it when I put it down in writing!) So on “Day One” I faithfully pulled out the measuring tape and dutifully recorded my measurements. And then, as is my nature, I promptly plugged them into my nifty spreadsheet which compares the current data to the previous measurement and overall from the first set of recorded measurements. I know, I’m a total geek but I’ve accepted it by now and so should you!
And that’s when things got interesting. You see, my last set of measurements were from the first of December – at the end of a 90-day challenge I’d participated in with a group of friends intended to keep each other motivated to work out and make good food choices. I kind of slacked off a bit toward the end and it was only the ending measurements compared to the beginning ones that made it worth doing since even though I had been a bit of a slacker I had still lost overall inches – but the scale read higher at the end. (Another piece of evidence supporting the claim that people should just throw the scale away and never step on it!) Anyway… the number on the scale had continued to slowly creep up – like 4 pounds – over the course of December compliments of all the sweets I just ate and ate for like two weeks. This was exactly why I was looking forward to the fresh, whole foods of the HCG diet being forced on myself. I knew I’d gotten off track so I just recorded the numbers, not letting them mean anything, and forgot about it. But when I was plugging them into the spreadsheet, guess what?!? I might have gained “weight” according to the scale but according to the measurements I had actually lost – in all the right places like my hips and thighs and bust (which for me includes a bit of “back fat” I haven’t rid myself of yet). WTF?! You mean I ate and ate sweets and because I was going to the gym regularly I was still thinner? But I didn’t know and now I’ve started HCG and I can’t run and can only do light weights?!? For THREE WEEKS?!
So the rationalizing queen inside of me started thinking of all the ways I could still work out even while on this crazy protocol. I can’t run, but I CAN walk. I can’t do strenuous weight lifting, but I COULD do a little circuit of weights slowly, three times a week. Right? We’ll see how much energy I have for the weights but I’m for sure walking every chance I get! Maybe combining the two things that work will get me even more amazing results?!? We’ll see!
The other crazy part of embarking on this journey again is that my carnivorous hubby is doing it with me. He’s a hottie – I won’t lie – with the body of a Greek god and most people who know him will be shocked. But, he injured his back ten years ago and blew out is ACL a couple of years ago and it all adds up to slowing down for him which means he’s getting a little thick around the waist. I’m not one to judge – you say you want to slim down and you know it works because you’ve watched me do it, then great! It will be way easier to do it together than cooking two meals for dinner, that’s for sure! But then there’s the part you don’t know – he eats a lot. And he’s a meat and potatoes kind of a guy. But potatoes are forbidden for the next six weeks in any form. And red meat is a no-no for the next three. Yes, he can have chicken but only a single serving – which is 3.5 ounces, not pounds. And the rest of his diet will consist of things that as he puts it “food eats”. As in, “that’s not food, that’s what food eats” while looking down his nose disdainfully at my pseudo-vegetarian fare. It should be fun to watch. Although he has iron-strong will power and will stick to the program like glue, it might be even more miserable for him than for most.
Last time I did this back in April of 2010, I did a 40-day protocol which I swore I would never ever ever do again. I’m back to the 23-day with the mentality that I can do anything for three weeks. I’m getting to be an old hat at it, not stressing about the food choices or what I can and can’t eat and even waited until the last day to stock up on the required food items in the refrigerator. I remember the first time when everything was new and I didn’t know how to eat right and I stressed and obsessed the first couple of days about what I could and couldn’t have. Not this time, now I’m just impatient for it to be the end so I can hit the road for another run. Or even the gym! I guess that’s what they mean when they say a lifestyle change: when you eat pretty much the way you’re supposed to in order to maintain your health even when you’re not on a diet!
Speaking of the gym… running 8 miles on a treadmill is only enjoyable with a good running playlist on the iPod and interesting people to watch. Yes, I’m a people watcher in addition to my sarcasm who rarely filters what I think from coming out my mouth. It makes for some interesting times usually. The gym is no exception and when you’re on a treadmill for almost two hours there are lots of people who come and go. I thought it was fun to watch the obsessive couple with their print-outs from what I assume was some kind of training program fiddling with the intervals – uphill, downhill, fast, slow and do it all over again. Then there was the entertainment factor of those tiny women with their perfect hair and spiffy workout clothes who walked but not fast enough to actually need to pull their hair up or produce any sweat to mar their perfect outfit; the guy who ran a long time dripping sweat; the hard body chick who didn’t bother with a shirt over her sports bra so she could prove without a doubt how little body fat there was jiggling around and all the people in between. It even made the irritation of the treadmill automatically going into cool down after an hour easier to bear. I thought passing two hours on a treadmill would suck but it didn’t – and I’m sure my facial expressions as I watched the people around me provided some entertainment for other people watchers if they were looking.
So, here’s to the craziest beginning of a new year I have recollection of. And here’s to it going fast so I can get back to “normal” again with at least another twenty pounds gone forever! Happy New Year!
I DID IT! I finished my first half marathon and lived to tell about it… which I will now attempt to do here – hopefully coherently.
I went into the event weekend totally stressed out about everything EXCEPT the actual run. Since the race was about an hour from home and we had to report to the busing area to get to the starting line at an ungodly hour of the morning, we decided to spend the night with my cousin – ironically the very cousin who started me on the running path and turned me on to this particular race. It was Halloween at school so I had to juggle attending festivities for Big Sister and working Friday; plus leaving early enough at the end of the day to get all our gear packed for the night; AND stop at a baby shower for a friend on the way – both hubby and the kids in tow. (Yeah, I know! Could I have had one more thing on THAT day? I don’t think so!) I had gotten very little sleep all week with the craziness that is my life normally but had been properly hydrating for the days leading up to the morning of the race.
Before heading out, I packed one of every kind of running gear I own – short sleeves, long sleeves, etc – not knowing exactly what the weather was going to be like until that morning. And since I wouldn’t be at home, I wanted to keep my options open. (No, this was not about fashion although I will admit to stressing about what I wear to get all sweaty in entirely too much!) After we rendezvoused at my cousin’s place and got the kids settled and into bed she and I started talking running and cold weather and what to wear. By the time we got to bed, it was after eleven. Ouch! We had to be dressed and out the door by 6:00 am to make the last bus to the start.
I woke up excited and nervous – the same feeling I used to get on Christmas morning when I was a kid. The weather was cold – about 45 degrees at the start at 6800 ft elevation. BRRRR! But, I’d be running so I had to dress appropriately – what a strategy that requires! I decided to wear my long sleeve wicking “Halloween Half” official running shirt that came in my race packet, a long sleeve fleece and a running jacket plus gloves and an ear warmer since we would have to stay warm at the top for an hour after our bus ride before the race started.
We got to the designated mall parking lot to meet our buses and head to the start and it hit me how HUGE this race was. There were a ton of people. I had heard numbers thrown around on all the Facebook posts and all my communication emails from the race staff and knew there were like 2500 runners registered. Which, don’t get me wrong, is a huge number but seeing that many actual people lined up to get on buses was seriously awesome. Picture it: a huge mall with a Costco in one corner of the massive parking lot. 15-20 buses lined up down the center of the parking lot and a line of people stretching down parallel to the line of buses and eventually curving back in around itself at the back of the lot. (It looked like the line to get tickets for a Neil Diamond concert I stood in when wristbands were new in the 90’s and I had to do insane things for my parents still!) We met up with all the people I knew who were planning to start out together and got in line.
I hadn’t had much sleep and I hadn’t had time for any coffee since we slept in (and it isn’t good to drink it on race day anyway!) and perhaps that explained why I went nuts when I saw what was happening with the bus loading logistics. Regardless of the reason, the performance analyst in me started noticing this weird thing happening… they were only allowing people on the very first bus even though we were lined up going right past ALL the buses. Why are we not loading ALL the buses?!? I have to walk past FIVE BUSES to get to the front of the line to get on the FIRST bus? Clearly they did not have anyone with the proper skills overseeing this aspect of race logistics. As it happened, I was in line with several others of the same mindset and we started feeding off of each other about how insane it was. I know I got worked up enough that the “F-bomb” got dropped numerous times – it was COLD! – and still we stood right alongside empty buses unable to get on board. Perhaps my loud-mouthed obnoxiousness will benefit racers for next year since we noticed that they had begun loading multiple buses as we were FINALLY getting on board the lead bus. One can only hope!
The bus ride was slow because the bus in front of us was broken and could barely make it up the canyon but at least it was warm. The approximately one hour wait in the tent they had erected at the top of the course was cold but passed quickly. The line of 50 portable outhouses at the top was our first stop as we got off the bus on the way to the tent and – as hindsight will show – SHOULD have been my last stop on the way to the starting line half an hour later.
The course started at the top of a scenic side-road of Provo Canyon above the Sundance Resort – yes, THAT Sundance – and, after five miles of super steep 8% incline descent, joined up with a parkway trail that wound out of the canyon and along the river to the finish line. I had done 10.7 miles the week before and seriously was not worried about adding another couple of miles. My mindset was great; I knew my only goal was to finish and would most likely be in the back of the pack but it wouldn’t matter.
The gun cracked and the mass of people slowly got underway… only to be hampered by a van parked in the middle of the narrow road before the first turn – left there by some dumb ass who clearly wasn’t supposed to have left it there. I ran down a little embankment of bushes hoping not to get mired in all the people backing up but not sure if it mattered much since everyone else around me had the same idea. Once we all got around that obstacle and were really underway, I waved goodbye to all my running buddies as they passed me and settled in for the long run which I was hoping to finish in less than three and a half hours.
The first five miles were A-MAZ-ING! I ran my fastest mile ever on the second mile and was even passing people. But remember, I’ve been training for downhill and I LOVE downhill. About mile two I was shedding my first layer of clothing… gloves and ear warmer into the jacket pockets and eventually the jacket tied around my waist. About mile four I was shedding the second layer of fleece which also went around my waist. Call me a cheapskate, but I am not at the stage where I’ll just throw perfectly good running gear on the ground and run away never to see it again! Plus, I could never bring myself to willfully litter like that! *gasp* At the bottom of the scenic and steep part, I had been averaging ten-minute miles and thinking a two and a half hour time might be within my grasp since I was still feeling super good and having a blast.
And then we got into the canyon proper section of the course… and it was NOT downhill! And not only was it not downhill, it was a slight INCLINE uphill! What?! You’re kidding, right? Luckily it was time for an aid station with water and time to eat my Gu fuel – which for those unfamiliar is like squeezing a tube of icing into your mouth and washing it down with some water. I couldn’t find the chocolate flavored one that I like the best and had opted for mandarin orange flavor. The important part is that I had a valid reason to be walking for a short distance while I refueled so I could kind of recover from the little bit of uphill before hitting the parkway, which I expected to return to the downhill I had been promised…
Only it wasn’t downhill…
The next two miles were uphill and reality hit me that I should NOT have been going so fast the first five miles because now I had little gas left especially for uphill. But, I pushed on and ran most of the next two miles but walked on the steepest sections. Because I was walking some my hips started hurting, and my feet were swelling and my mind was screaming ‘you can’t do this!’ and then I would argue with myself that ‘yes, you can damnit! You ran eleven miles a week ago!” About this same time, on top of everything else, I realized that I was going to need to pee before the finish line and started obsessing about how I was or wasn’t going to accomplish this. I passed a couple of outhouses but there were people already waiting and I was NOT going to stop to wait and increase my time that much. So I ran on and then there was another aid station and I walked a bit to drink some water – since I had decided not to carry my own this time which I normally do – and then I had to stop to stretch because I was starting to cramp up in my calves. Basically miles eight and nine are a blur of pain and needing to pee and forcing myself to keep running. At some point in this stretch we ran through the most gorgeous section of trail covered with fall leaves and even though I was feeling okay still at this point and still mostly running I slowed down enough to take my phone out of my pocket and snap a picture. It was THAT beautiful, don’t you think?
Just before mile 10, the course flattened out and was fairly enjoyable and mostly downhill with only rolling hills. I would have loved it if I hadn’t been in so much pain and needing to pee SO BAD. I finally spotted an inviting little path off to the side of the trail that went for a ways and then turned a corner and was densely wooded – you know where this is going, don’t you! Yes, I did the runner’s dash into the bushes and relieved my poor bladder with only a minimum of wasted time. I surprised a lady when I burst back onto the trail and I’m sure she was thinking “that girl is nuts!” I didn’t care because I felt so much better! (Note to self: always go before you start even if you don’t think you need to… my Mom will be so proud that I have kept this lesson of childhood and found ways to still apply it!)
At this point I want to remind you that I had previously only ever run eleven miles – and much slower and not so steeply downhill. Oh, the pain of miles 10 through 13! My hip felt like it was going to slip out of alignment at every step (I sheepishly admit to slacking on my physical therapy which now I know will remain important forever and ever because of my hip issue…) And my feet were so swollen that literally every step was agony. About 10.5 miles in, I was doing more walking than running and just hoping to finish before the sag wagon came through picking up stragglers who would be marked as “Did Not Finish” because it had been 4 hours and they could no longer insure everyone’s safety for the event. I had an epiphany at the last aid station and remembered that I had more “shot blocks” in my pocket. HELLO! I had been so focused on pushing through to the end I’d forgotten to fuel. Well, that and I had never run long enough that I needed to fuel twice mid-run. So, I chewed up my energy shots and almost immediately felt better. Thinking that I could probably – just probably – finish. I pushed myself to speed walk when I was walking and run in stints even though I didn’t think I could run another step.
And then I got to what I refer to as the crying section around mile 11… because don’t you know running is for sissies!? At first I was crying because of the pain. Then I was crying because I didn’t think I could make it. And then I was crying because I was thinking that maybe I could make it. In between all these instances of tearing up I was mentally smacking myself and telling myself to “suck it up you crazy bitch!” and other such inspiring personal pep talks. (Anyone who doesn’t think running is a mental sport clearly has never run a long distance race.) I had my iPod in my ears and probably should apologize for all the profanity I was saying under my breath but was probably loud enough that everyone around me could hear it…
About halfway through mile 12 when I realized that I was, indeed, probably going to finish I started thinking about my cheering section waiting for me. My hubby, my daughters, all my friends … they would all be cheering me on – because certainly I was the last of them to finish for sure. And then I was crying again at just the thought of how it would feel to see them and cross the finish line. More slapping myself and trying to pull it together and forcing myself to run and wondering where the FUCK the end was… yes, I was kind of delirious at this point.
Here’s a big note to self: I don’t care how far you’ve run before, adding another 2 miles to your longest distance is always going to be a big deal… dumb ass!
And then, just when I thought it would never come, I rounded the last corner and there was my family and friends and, even though I’d spent a half mile pulling myself together so I could pass them with dignity, I started crying like a big baby… again. This time I didn’t care and just ran and posed for pictures and continued on to the finish line to collect my hard earned medal. Big Sister hugged me as I passed, Hubby relieved me of my extra jackets around my waits and my running partner said the one thing I needed to hear: “Keep going, the finish is right there!” As I ran past a line of fellow runners waiting to get on the bus they fed off my personal cheering section and had their hands out for high-fives as I passed – including my neighbor who was the one person I hadn’t seen at the start that morning.
I crossed the finish line with an official time of 3 hours and 22 minutes… almost ten minutes faster than my average training pace and with plenty of room for improvement for next time (and 38 minutes before the sag wagon would start it’s journey to collect the stragglers!)
Wait… did she just say NEXT time?
Yes, I said next time. It’s been a week now since the race… my muscles are barely sore anymore, my foot doesn’t hurt too much for heels again, I don’t wince walking up and down stairs, and I’m planning to resume my running on Sunday. Sadly, my days of only downhill must come to an end, I need to increase my endurance and ability to run regardless of the terrain and start getting ready for the next big adventure: Ragnar Wasatch Back Relay 2011, where I will run a total of 21 miles in the course of two days. There’s already another half marathon tentatively in the works for April. One without all the crazy extreme downhill this time! Stay tuned, what an adventure it is sure to be!
I just realized in all my latest ranting and raving about insanity at work and how published authors got it ALL WRONG, I haven’t updated on my running. Last report had me mired in self doubt and thinking I should hang up my running shoes but feeling hopeful for the next 5K. Since then, I’ve done another 5K and a 10K. This time the 5K was part of a much larger event – a Boston Marathon qualifier – on pretty much flat terrain. It was SO much better than that first stupid 5K which I would like to forever strike from the annals of my memory. (Seriously, we should have delete buttons for memories that there is no way we will ever want to remember. THAT run, would be the top of my list!) A couple of weeks later, I did my first 10K.
I went into the 10K much more mentally focused and prepared with the mantra that I was NOT in it to compete but merely to complete. At times I kept thinking about how it seemed that ALL the other 10K runners had passed me but then I remembered that I am a short chick with short legs and trying to go long distances, not sprint, and that it is my own personal best I’m ever trying to “beat”. There was a woman with a green shirt on just ahead of me that I kept thinking “if she doesn’t pull away then I’m okay” to block out everything else. She didn’t… and halfway through the 10K route we met up with the 5K route where I got to start passing people left and right. Then there was no way to know if anyone around me was a 10K’er or a 5K’er and thus could not be viewed as competition. (At this point I admit I am a competitive monster and watch out when my body transforms into a COMPETITIVE runner and able to keep up with what my brain wants to do… oh boy!) I finished the 10K with a time of 1:31 which was a tiny bit faster than my training time AND there were hills. I didn’t once feel like I couldn’t go the distance and felt amazing afterward. (AND I beat 8 other people as an added bonus for said competitive nature.)
Since the 10K, I’ve been increasing my training distances on my long runs in final preparation for the half marathon. Two weeks ago two fellow Ragnar teammates and I ran down from the top of one of the local canyons to get a feel for how steep the marathon route will be. You know what’s more beautiful than my favorite canyon in the morning in the fall? Running down it and hearing all the water as well as seeing all the scenery. It was so much fun and I had my best 10K time and my fastest mile on that nine mile run. (I LOVE downhill running!) Two days ago I did an eleven mile run – yes, ELEVEN MILES – in the rain and felt fabulous. Two and a half hours of straight running, in the rain. I had SO MUCH FUN – crazy, I know. Now I know exactly how to dress for cold weather – I needed something to keep my ears warm and some gloves – and am 100% certain I can do the half marathon distance this Saturday. Because once you can do eleven miles, what’s adding two more, right?
What a journey it has been… My most ambitious goal I’ve ever shot for – train 12 weeks to run a half marathon as a brand spanking new runner – is in my sights. I’m living proof that anything you put your mind to is possible. Wish me luck on Saturday!
I wouldn’t be fairly depicting my running training if I only talked about the milestones I’m hitting successfully and not the downers of the whole experience. So, I am 35 days away from my half marathon and still mostly on track with my training program. “Mostly” meaning I am still successfully completing the prescribed long run distances on the weekend (7 miles at this point) and running at least twice more during the week. However, logging the prescribed distances on the mid-week runs is hit and miss. I had a week of inconsistent training when I tweaked my back and couldn’t run for almost a week – turns out my hips are out of alignment and “I’m weak” – got to love physical therapists and their tactful delivery of such news – so I had to start some physical therapy to strengthen my hips and core which has helped tremendously after only a couple of weeks.
I’m supposed to be running 4.5 miles as my “short” runs during the week but that means a full hour and 15 minutes on the treadmill which – added to the time necessary to stretch, cool down and change my clothes twice – doesn’t really fit so easily into my allotted hour of time at the gym during my work day anymore. Finding that kind of time twice during the work week regardless of where I run is a challenge since home life is just as demanding as it has ever been with an 8 month old and a competitive dancing 8 year old. This week I managed a 3.5 mile run in the gym and a 2 mile run last night… at 10:00 pm… in the dark…with my headlamp and flashing tail-light for safety of course! (Yes, I look like a fool but I’m a safe fool nonetheless!)
Last weekend the training plan called for us to run a 5K race. No big deal – that’s only half the distance of my last week’s run of 6 miles which I finished no sweat. Weeks ago my training/running partner and I had found a free race and registered. The only criteria at that point was a 5K on the specific date. Then we realized it was the same VERY hilly venue of the first 5K we’d run a couple of months earlier to celebrate the end of our walk-to-run program. Neither of us wanted a repeat of those hills – especially since we’re training solely for downhill since that’s what our half marathon is going to be. So, we came up with a brilliant plan to find a different race that would be flatter and easier. Great idea, right?
Well… all ideas are usually good in theory.
We picked a race that was being put on as part of the local high school’s Homecoming/alumni weekend. It was right by the house and thus part of the terrain I’ve been training on – piece of cake, right? And the price was right: $10 and included breakfast. What could be better? We show up and realize it is a very small event. And by very small I mean there are more people gathered to cook breakfast than it looks like are running the 5K. But that’s okay because the entire current cross country team is going to run. So, there are literally a total of about 40 people – 30 of which are twiggy 15-17 year old high school runners. We all line up at the starting line – us “just finish”ers in the back since we are definitely not going to win regardless.
The starting gun goes off, everyone dashes off – including me running a pace there is no way in hell I can maintain which I don’t realize for about a 10th of a mile until fellow runner checks our pace and says something (I love running with gadgets, by the way!). Now I’ve burned through all of my reserves by trying to run a 9-minute mile pace UPHILL and we’ve already been left in the dust by everyone – and I mean everyone. Oh, and did I mention that the welcoming and familiar terrain I thought was going to be so fabulous is exactly the reverse since we are running the opposite way I assumed we would and now almost the entire thing is a steady uphill run? Oh, I didn’t?
Welcome to my own personal Hell.
The next 2.6 miles was me in the very back of the small pack feeling like a complete failure. At the 1-mile marker, I had to stop running and walk because the uphill was killing me. Approaching the aid station for water, I saw the pre-pubescents directly in front of me actually point and say “she’s the last one” – to which I wanted to scream “FUCK YOU” and punch them in their faces, but I refrained. I ran the one flat spot in the insanely steep uphill 2nd mile and felt vindicated when the same little snots had stopped to sit on the curb because they couldn’t go on. (Teach them to disrespect their elders!) At this point I was so low mentally that I had practically convinced myself that I was not a runner let alone capable of any kind of distance and that I might as well just consider my registration fee gone because I shouldn’t consider even attempting a half marathon. Forgotten was my 6-mile straight run 6 days ago – I was a complete loser who had no business even owning a pair of running shoes.
Yeah, I was that low… and more than once close to tears. At one point we ran past an entrance into my neighborhood and I seriously contemplated just turning in and running home with my tail between my legs and hoping no one asked how my 5K had gone.
And then we hit the downhill portion – the final stretch. And I started gaining on the 12-year old and her Dad who had been walking most of the way up the bitch of a hill. And then I passed them while listening to her whine about how hard it was. All I could think was “I’m NOT going to be very last!!” Well, I wasn’t – barely. And I finished – which at the end of the day was all I had been aiming for anyway. However, I was still totally down on myself for being last for most of the way and for my slow ass pace which is completely normal at this stage of the game.
It has been a week and I’m still mired in self-doubt and wondering where this competitive nature came from since it has never been about winning for me. There is much to be said about participating in large events with lots of other people at all levels of fitness participating so you get lost in the crowd and can focus on running your own race, competing only with yourself. This is an individual sport and the only person I need to be better than is myself time after time as I build up my endurance. At this point speed doesn’t matter, hills don’t matter, it only matters that I have the ability to run 13.1 miles… all downhill… in 35 days. Everything else will come later.
Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself! We’ll see how I feel after another 5K – this time on verified flat terrain – slotted for tomorrow and a 7-mile DOWNHILL run I’m looking forward to on Sunday. Do I still love running? Yes – except for the days that I hate everything about it!
The hubby and I took a little mini-vacation over Labor Day weekend. We left both kids home with family and hit the road… for a 13 HOUR road trip to my sister-in-law’s wedding reception. We drove a total of 31 hours in three days to spend about 40 hours with them. It was totally worth it even when you factor in the TWO speeding tickets – one for each of us. The best part was all the time we had to spend together in the car, talking and bitching and brainstorming and getting inspired for new book ideas.
I came out of the weekend with two killer ideas for new stories to write and now I’m torn about which I want to do first after I get the initial draft of my current project finished. The daily writing… goal? Rule? whatever you want to call it, I’m on a total roll. I’m about 3 chapters into my re-write and finding less and less that I need to fix once I got past the prologue. I don’t want to jinx anything but at this rate I anticipate being finished with the first draft by Nov 1 when I get to start my new project as part of NaNoWriMo 2010. I’m looking forward to a new story – something fresh and new and exciting – and am kind of surprised that both ideas are just straight up fiction. No sci-fi, no fantasy, just regular old stories. I guess I still don’t know what “my” genre is so that’s okay, right?
All things considered, life is pretty damn good – I even set a new personal record for fastest mile tonight on my 4-mile run: 12 minutes, 18 seconds. Not too bad considering it was the 3rd mile of that run! Amazing… a 4-mile run is my “short” run during the week! I’m on track for a 6-mile run on Sunday… and I’m half a mile away from having logged 150 miles just since May 23rd. Like everything in life, it’s all happening by taking one step at a time.
Normally, I scoff at goal-setters. (Sorry if you are one of them, don’t take it personally!) I’m a live-in-the-moment kind of a girl – always have been and always will be. It is way more fun that way and I tend to avoid all guilt by not thinking too hard about life and the choices I make day to day. I never look back or over-analyze what I’ve done for the same reasons. Except now I am conceding that sometimes goals and all that come with them might be necessary – at least in some aspects of life.
Why the change? I wrote again last night… only 30 new words but they are 30 more than if I hadn’t told myself that – no matter what – I have to write something every day. A daily writing goal, if you will. I figured I would start out small – no word count I had to make, no looming milestone to intimidate. Just write every day. Every. Single. Day.
It felt so good writing again and, although I have come to terms that I must go back to the beginning of my manuscript and totally revise it before I can go on, at least I know what my plans are so I can get busy getting it done. I WILL have the first draft of my first novel complete before November 1st. (What’s this? Another goal?) In hindsight I am such a better writer than when I started last year so I would have to revise anyway – I’m merely saving myself some of the work for draft two by doing it now. Kind of like ripping the bandaid off… The best part is that my characters are whispering to me again – or rather I’m listening for them again – which I worried wouldn’t happen since I’d been ignoring them for so long.
In many ways, it is my running that taught me this lesson I can now apply to other areas of life… I am following a training program designed for people who have never run a half marathon. It tells me exactly what to do every day. And even though I look at it on paper and think “What the Fuck have I gotten myself into?”, when the day comes and it says run 3.5 miles (like today) and I’m still sore from my 5-mile run on Sunday – like I can barely walk down the stairs to get to the gym at work – I still did it and felt great doing it.
If I didn’t have a goal to run a specific distance by a specific date, I wouldn’t push myself. Having the steps laid out for me on how to get there allows it to happen gradually one step at a time. Without it, I might still be struggling to run for more than 10 minutes at a time instead of being able to run for more than an hour. That last sentence was purely for me – since I have to focus on how far I’ve come rather than how far I have to go. Easier and more productive to think “wow, I ran 5 miles in an hour and 11 minutes which is an hour longer than I could run at all 3 months ago” than “OMG, it just took me over an hour to run 5 miles, how am I going to run 13.1 in 2 months?!?” which is how I really feel inside when I think about my half marathon.
What will get me to the finish is doing the small steps every day.
So, lesson learned is that sometimes goals are important – not in the Franklin-Covey-plan-every-single-minute-of-your-day-based-around-a-goal-in-every-aspect-of-your-life way but maybe just for the really important things. And that, when measuring progress, sometimes it is better to look back and acknowledge how far you’ve come rather than fixating on how far you have left to go.
It is official… I AM a Runner! No more do I talk about going running and mean “running” as in I walk most of the way with a few short bursts of jogging. No, now I can run for 20+ minutes straight with no walking in the middle. AND I’m not winded doing it! If you’ve spent much time with me on my blog you’ll know that when I started down the running road I could barely run for 30 seconds at a time before I thought I’d die – literally. If you would have told me then that I could or would be running for 20 minutes in a row and feel like I could go more I would have thought you were crazy, secretly hope it would happen and doubt it ever would. Today, it is a reality and I love it!
So, how did I do it? What made the difference? I found a buddy who was exactly where I was – starting at the bottom and had never run a day in her life but wanted to. We both got a Nike+ SportBand that comes with a coach feature. We started a “Walk to Run” coaching program that walked us through every single day exactly what to do and followed it like our lives depended on it. I’m only 8 weeks into that 12 week program and I’m running 2+ miles a day 6 days a week. Yes, ME!
At the end of the 12 week program, we’ll be running a 5K race. This will not be my first 5K but it will be the first one I actually run the entire way and run to compete rather than just complete.
And in October, I’m running my first half marathon! Yes, as in 13.1 miles of running. How fitting – my first half marathon is called the Halloween Half and I get to run it in my Halloween costume on my favorite day of the year. What could be better? Um… having the first draft of my novel complete before then, too?
I’ve said it before: the proof is in the pants – and it is still true.
I just finished the maintenance phase of my last round of HCG protocol. In a nutshell, HCG has three phases. Phase 1, you do daily shots and eat a very restricted diet and then phase 2 (or maintenance) is three weeks of “no starch and no sugar”. This gives your hypothalamus time to rest from the intensity of phase 1 as well as establish a new set point for your ‘normal’ weight. This set point is the place you now yo yo back and forth from but always return to. (For more details about how the whole HCG thing works, you can read the research from the doctor who developed it here.) Phase 3 is “normal” eating with your new habits.
We all know from my previous lamenting posts I did not lose the 40 pounds I wanted to lose in the 40 days of phase 1 I endured and pushed myself through to the bitter end. But I can’t very well complain about the almost 30 that I lost in just over a month. There isn’t really supposed to be much fluctuation in phase 2 – no more than 2 pounds either way – so my expectations were low and I did well with my “maintenance” activities. (I’ve gotten REALLY good at finding “no sugar added” ice cream in the city!)
One night, at the end of phase 1 or the beginning of phase 2, my sister and I went through all the pants in my closet … as deep as they go and as many sizes as I’ve been hoarding… I either donated to charity those that were dismally out of date (the 80’s called and they want their pants back!), handed off to my sister if they didn’t fit anymore since she’s wearing the size I just came out of, or kept in the closet in two categories: the ones that fit now and the ones that are “almost” perfect. This later category were those pants that I could get my ass into and could do up but that were not quite comfortable once I got to that point.
And then I started running again. But this time using a set training program with a coach and a 5K goal in August!
This morning I pulled out some pants and put them on and realized they were hanging on me. Like there was enough room for me to put my baby inside with me for sure and possibly even my eight year old. How the hell did that happen? I tried on every pair of slacks I own in one sitting so I wouldn’t have to do this every morning anymore searching for pants that fit! I chalked it up to a late night with my sister and pulled out another pair. They fit the same way! Eventually, several pairs later… (Yes, it took a while! Don’t judge, I hadn’t had any coffee yet!) I ended up pulling out some of the Capri’s I’ve been dying to wear from that “not quite there” category and guess what! THEY. FIT. PERFECTLY.
I loved how I felt all day and I had another great run this afternoon completely inspired by how I look and feel in my “new” pants. That damn scale says I weigh exactly the same as the last day I took a shot three weeks ago but I know I couldn’t wear these pants that day because I tried. And I can’t lie… I am now one of those women who turns to the side with her butt sticking out in the restroom so I can check how my ass looks in the mirror. What an amazing feeling – it’s almost as great as knowing I can walk 4 miles pushing my 5 month old in the stroller without batting an eye or straining a body part.
I am still in love with running – happily the affair did not die off on my long hiatus of pregnancy and recovery – and I’m training strong. I’m preparing for a 5K in August – the first one I’ll run/jog the majority of instead of the other way around. Hell, at the rate I’m progressing, I’ll be running the entire 5k! And, more importantly, I’m enjoying my new body as I continue to mold it with running and proper diet. Bring on the swim suit weather! I’m ready! Well… at least the shorts and tanks! Is a woman ever really ready for swimsuit season?
Let’s just say that writing a short story requires much different muscles than writing a novel. With a novel you have the luxury of seemingly unlimited words in order to describe in intricate detail everything that is important. In a short story, you must convey in very few words a slice of a larger story that can stand alone all on it’s own. You have to tell a whole bunch of background to get the reader into the time and place so there is an emotional connection to the story. You can’t lead up to it with foreshadowing or several chapters – only a sentence or two. I’ve managed a few hundred words and a halfway decent start but it is far from worthy of submission. When all is said and done, I believe the exercise will be worthwhile because I’m building creative muscles I can apply to my other writing as well. And as they say… no pain, no gain!
I shaved two days off the three weeks my surgeon told me I had to wait before running again and hit the gym this afternoon at work. WOW… not only has it been close to a year since I’ve been running but it felt like I’d never run before! I exaggerate of course since back when I first started I literally couldn’t run more than 60 seconds before I wanted to die or thought I really was dying. I started out strong today and was so excited to be at it again that I ran too fast – with a huge shit-eating grin from ear to ear – and pooped myself out after only about 10 minutes. (I blame the guy on the treadmill next to me with his legs that are taller than my entire 5′ 2″ frame. I KNOW I was keeping up with his stride at one point!) My knee hurt – something new to worry about – and my plantar fasciitis has been bothering me the last week since I started working out again but both seem like old friends because I was constantly dealing with my body readjusting to being a runner before I had to stop. I stretched well after my mile and a quarter (not too shabby for 20 minutes!) and am hoping for the best so I can go out again tomorrow. However, as sore as I’m feeling right now I can only imagine the pain I’ll be in. After all that bitching, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The fact that I had a baby and haven’t run in MONTHS and was able to just get right back up there and run was completely and utterly amazing.
The official start of the 2010 running season is here… for me anyway! You’ll remember I did my first 5K last year… which I walked because I was on HCG and therefore not allowed to run and, truth be told, I was in nowhere near the shape I needed to be in order to actually run anyway having just started on this long journey to health. It’s been almost a year since that race already. And wow what a year it has been – I decided to get fit and take control of my health and my future in spite of my insanely bad gene pool, started working out and got addicted to running, did my first 5K, dropped 30lbs in 23 days on HCG, got pregnant, had to stop running but didn’t stop working out, had a baby, dropped all the baby weight, lost a gall bladder and have officially hit the gym again. Today I was talking to a friend – one of the ones who inspired me to start running in the first place – and I committed to do Race for the Cure again in May. As luck would have it, I will have to walk it this year too since I’ll again be on HCG but this year I’ll walk it faster and push a stroller with my new baby while my eight year old and her BFF walk with me. I have resumed my workouts both at work and at home with my walking/jogging buddy who is also recovering from having a baby about a month ago (I swear, it was something in the water in our neighborhood!). We talked tonight about finding more 5K’s to do this year and I got SO excited. People all around me are training for new milestone events – triathlons, half marathons, marathons – and I’m catching the bug, too! It felt so good to be back at work this week (until the sleep deprivation caught up with me anyway) and especially good to be back in the gym. Daily exercise… recommended, craved by me, and fit into my schedule no matter what! I’m loving life and looking forward to new personal bests in 2010!
Terra Luft - View From the Crystal Ball 